Nanhe Nawaab

Nanhe is very impressed with the model who shot to fame during ICC 2011 Cricket World Cup.

This much introduction and you have guessed right: She is bold and beautiful (pun intended): POONAM PANDEY

Ever since Poonam made her comments regarding her wish to strip to cheer for Team India, Nanhe aspires to be a cricketer now! What a sight it will be when she will strip in dressing room and Nanhe would be the part of that mega event. Wow!! Nanhe dreams of that day! ‘We were all born nude. People take nudity as vulgarity. I see it in a different way. If I keep it as an offer for bringing the World Cup to India, which incidentally worked (laughs), I see no harm in it,’ Pandey told IANS in an interview.

Though everyone will agree that Poonam is not a beauty but the desperation to achieve success, fame and money can make her do anything and everything. After all she is proud to have dared to venture in field which has been left untouched: Pornography. Hard core pornography starts from the soft porn acts like this only. Whatever the case may be but the fact is that according to her she is main reason behind Indian Cricket Team’s success.

When India toured England early this summer they performed very badly because Poonam did only lip service. England are here now and team is doing well. The reason for success is “Poonam’s Bedroom Secrets.” This may sound strange but Poonam is confident.

Nanhe feels it would do a good for team if she can be appointed as a coach before Australia tour. As it is BCCI is paying heavy sum to support staff. If she is hired, Poonam can do the role of stress buster for the team. But she will be required to sign a bond because if Australian board pays more money, she might switch side in the mid of tour. After all money is all she is doing for.

If she really wants to do well then she should be sent to Olympics Qualifier with Hockey Team. IHF has spent lot of money to change the fortunes of Indian Hockey. If her videos can give us the ticket London Olympics then we can even ask her for strip so that we get a medal. She has said that she was doing the semi nude scenes for getting a cup after 28 years. Even Olympics Gold has not come to us since 32 years. She will have to take “little more effort” to get a medal in Olympics hockey.

Nanhe has even written a letter to MMS to use Poonam Pandey for revival of the credibility of his government. Even Lalu Yadav can use her as her star campaigner to overturn his fate in the state. All you need is money to pay this “virtuous” model. Bureaucrats may use her as building and succeeding in our diplomatic efforts as they have failed in their job. The intelligence agencies can float her around to have some specific inputs.  Perhaps, with this type of success rate, she can also be crowned as “fate changer of India”. Imagine she getting “Indian of the Year Award” and stripping again on public demand and her known ones get “tears of joy” in their eyes due to the success of Poonam. Emotional. Isn’t!

Nanhe has understood the real motive behind this “great lady” and this is why he is a Genius. The world is busy in crowning her porn star but she is a “true patriot” striving to do so much for this nation. She is giving recognition to her parents, family, friends and above all the nation.

There is saying that everything is fair in Love and War. She has just modified it saying: Everything is fair for Fame and Money.

But the success achieved by this is “Fizzzzzz Success”. Once the gas is gone, cold drink is not worth drinking! Way to go Poonam. Nanhe is already a fan of you seeing your self-proclaimed act of “dareness”.

You truly represent the “real meaning of liberalization” in India. What do the readers think?

You are Man When you can DARE

You are Man When you show that you CARE

You are Man When you can be JUST

You are Man When you are the FIRST

You are Man When you can resist TEMPTATIONS

You are Man When you have CONVICTION

You are Man When you can stand for RIGHT

You are Man When you decide to FIGHT

You are Man When you can keep COMMITMENT

You are Man When you can take on ESTABLISHMENT

You are Man When you don’t loose head in SUCCESS

You are Man When you don’t loose heart in FAILURE

You are Man When you can INSPIRE

You are Man When you can instill FIRE

You are Man When you put character above WEALTH

You are Man When you care for nation and society’s HEALTH

YOU ARE NOT A MAN JUST BECAUSE BIOLOGICALLY SOMETHING IS HANGING BETWEEN YOUR LEGS;

YOU NEED TO PROVE IT!!

Come On India and Stand Up for what is in the best interest of this Nation…… Together We can make a difference…..

Miss Argentina: Natalie Rodriquez

Miss Brazil: Priscila Machado

Miss Chile: Vanessa Ceruti

Miss Dominican Republic: Dalia Fernandez

Miss India: Vasuki Sunkavalli

Miss Israel: Kim Edry

Miss Italy: Elisa Torrini

Miss Puerto Rico: Viviana Ortiz

Miss Russia: Natalia Gantimurova

Miss Turkey: Melisa Asli Pamuk

Miss Venezuela: Vanessa Goncalves

Courtesy: REDIFF

Nanhe wrote this poem sometime in 2008-09,

Zindagi ki kitaab mein likha hai kiska naam
Yeh sochkar rehta hoon main pareshaan
Kabhi Kabhi to yeh lagta hai ki kitaab mein ishq ka prishtha hi nahi hai
Kya karoon Doston 22 saal baad bhi jeevan mein ladki nahi hai
Sochta hoon ki un logon mein kya khaas hai
jinko har basant par ek nayi ladki ka saath hai
Dikhta to main bhi bura nahi hoon par kismet hi nirash hai
Aur Jeevan mein har anubhav zaroori hai

Ladki waale kehte hai aish kar rahe ho tum
nahi to hamari jindagi to jahannum hai
Azaad panchi ki tarah gagan mein udd rahe ho
hamaare upar to prateet hota hai ki koi saaya ho
Shikaar hain hum Emosnal Atyachaar ke
Yeh kabakht ishq nikamma banata hai
insomiac, hypertension aur blood pressure badhata hai
Kehta hai ik “aashiq” apne anubhav se
Bache raho iske jaal se!!

Jiske jeevan mein nahi hai ladki
Kehta hai kismet hai apni kadki
Fir hum bhi thehre nawaab ke sheher se
dekhi nahi soorat apni kabhi gaur se
khud ke liye pari chahiye
recession ke daur mein quality chahiye
Bola tha “champ” ne iss waqt experience zaroori hai
Advani ka PM banna aur Tumhe ladki milne ka yeh antim avsar hai
Tay karo aur nikal pado ek haseena ki khoj mein
Nahi to tum par hamesha fresher ka tag rahega
kabhi koi dil mein nahi aa kar basega
Yahi kehte hue hi nikal jaayega yauvan tumhara
Mera Number Kab Aayega!Mera Number kab Aayega!

Lesson 1: Naked Wife

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next door neighbor. Before she says a word, Bob says, “I’ll give you $800 to drop that towel.” After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob.

After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 dollars and leaves. The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks,…

“Who was that?” “It was Bob the next door neighbor,” she replies. “Great!” the husband says, “Did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?”

Moral of the story:
If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.

Lesson 2

A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out. The Genie says, “I’ll give each of you just one wish” “Me first! Me first!” says the administration clerk. “I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.” Poof! She’s gone. “Me next! Me next!” says the sales rep. “I want to be in Hawaii,relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.” Poof! He’s gone. “OK, you’re up,” the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, “I want those two back in the office after lunch.”

Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.

Lesson 3

A priest offered a lift to a Nun. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. The nun said,”Father, remember Psalm 129?” The priest removed his hand. But,changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again said, “Father, remember Psalm 129?” The priest apologized “Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.” Arriving at the convent, the nun went on her way. On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, “Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.”

Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.

Lesson 4

A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A rabbit asked him,”Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?” The crow answered: “Sure, why not.” So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested.

A fox jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very high up.

Lesson 5: Power of Charisma

A turkey was chatting with a bull “I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree,” sighed the turkey, but I haven’t got the energy.” “Well, why don’t you nibble on my droppings?” replied the bull. “They’re packed with nutrients.” The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree. Soon he was spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.

Moral of the story: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it wont keep you there.

Lesson 6

A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field. While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.

Moral of the story:
1. Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy
2. Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend
3. And when you’re in deep shit, it’s best to keep your mouth shut!

Source

Here is the compilation of few trivias collected from various sources and some from Nanhe’s own brains. Hope you will like them. These all trivias are before the starting of the current world cup!

• The only time they have faced each other in a World Cup match, Bangladesh caused one of the biggest upsets in 2007 by defeating India and being instrumental in their early elimination.
• Brett Lee has taken 22 wickets in 10 World Cup matches at an average of 17.91. He has claimed a wicket every 22.68 balls, or once every fourth over, a strike-rate unmatched by any bowler.
• West Indies batting great Vivian Richards scored 1013 runs in 23 World Cup innings, at an average of 63.31, with a strike rate of 85. The 138 he scored against England in the 1979 World Cup is considered by Wisden as the best World Cup innings.
• Herschelle Gibbs smeared the Dutch leg-spinner Dan van Bunge for six sixes in an over in the 2007 World Cup to become the first to achieve the feat in an ODI.
• India last defeated Australia in a World Cup match 24 years ago on October 22, 1987. India trumped eventual champions Australia by 56 runs.
• West Indies legend Vivian Richards is the only player who had played both FIFA World Cup and ICC World Cup. Richards represented Antigua in football and West Indies in cricket.
• Indian opener Sunil Gavaskar batted through the full 60 overs in the opening match of 1975 World Cup against England at Lord’s to score just 36 runs.
• One of the greatest knocks of World Cup history, Kapil Dev’s 175 against Zimbabwe during 1983 World Cup, was neither recorded nor broadcasted because the BBC cameramen were on strike at the time.
• Kepler Wessels played for Australia in the 1983 World Cup before playing for South Africa in the 1992 World Cup.
• India’s Madan Lal bowled the first ball of the World Cup history to England’s Denis Amiss at Lord’s on June 7, 1975.
• Australia is the only team thus far in the history of World Cup to remain undefeated throughout the World Cup (in both 2003 and 2007 World Cups).
• Australian seamer Glenn McGrath (71) is the highest wicket-taker in World Cups so far.
• The 1992 World Cup co-hosted by Australia and New Zealand was the first World Cup where matches were played under lights.
• The 1992 World Cup co-hosted by Australia and New Zealand was the first World Cup in which white cricket balls and coloured team uniforms were introduced.
• Australia is the only country to win three consecutive World Cup titles. Aussies have won the tournament in 1999, 2003 and 2007.
• All players had worn the traditional white uniform and red balls were used during the initial four editions of the cricket World Cup.
• Mohammad Kaif has held most catches in a World Cup match. He took 4 catches against Sri Lanka at Johannesburg on March 10, 2003.
• England have played the World Cup final three times – in 1979, 1987 and 1992 – but have never won it.
• Wasim Akram completed his 500 ODI wickets during the 2003 World Cup.
• Sunil Gavaskar’s only ODI century came off 85 balls and it came in the same match in which Chetan Sharma took the World Cup’s first hat-trick.
• Chetan Sharma took the World Cup’s first hat-trick. He achieved the feat against New Zealand at Nagpur on October 31, 1987.
• Since their 10-run loss to Pakistan on May 23, 1999, Australia have not lost even a single match at the World Cup.
• Making his debut during the 1975 edition, Javed Miandad has played in most World Cups – six.
• Ricky Ponting and Glenn McGrath have played 39 matches each in the World Cup, the most for players.
• In the 2003 World Cup, Pakistan’s Shoaib Akhtar, bowled cricket’s first recorded 100 mph delivery. At the receiving end was England’s Nick Knight.
• Sri Lanka became the first side batting second to win the World Cup when they beat Australia in the 1996 World Cup final.

Source: TimesofIndia

Recently, a survey was conducted and Nanhe has exclusive reports of that. It says that whenever a guy breaks up with a girl, he tends to drive fast. There can be numerous reasons and Nanhe has found few too. It seems that bike has few advantages of the girls and the list mentioned below is not exhaustive. You can add your own comments if you have any reasons. Valentine’s day is coming and there will be few more “heartbreak kids” driving their bike and pouring love for the same. It’s really ironical that Valentine’s day witnesses lots of relationships going down the roads……

Reasons why bike is better than a girlfriend?

1. You can go out with your bike anytime.
2. You can get on top of it without thinking too much about the consequences.
3. You can have one bike for training, another one for racing, one more for just having fun  – and the best thing they won’t kill each other while shut in one garage togeher.
4. You have liberty to ride your friend’s most “dashing and superb” bike.
5. If your motorcycle weigh 450 pounds, your friends won’t laugh at you and call you looser.
6. Having a bike is comapratively much cheaper.
7. Bike never crib or complain.
8. Bikes go as per your wish.
9. They don’t need any explanation as why you went with “other one.”
10. No emosnal attyachar.
11. Whenever you are tired of using one type of bike, you can switch to another.
12. Bikes can be very supportive, they listen and agree to your solution of the problem without uttering a word.
13. Girls are hardly stoppaple when turned on. Bikes are much easier to stop.
14. When you go out for shopping with your bike, you can buy anything and everything for yourself.
15. You don’t have to remember the date of purchase\first ride\first won race and the other dates to do with your bike, and celebrate them.
16. Lastly, bikes don’t have parents and therefore you need not to worry about them.

These are the slogans which have been found many a times on T Shirts being worn by the girls. Nanahe has understood them.

Hope you all will understand it too and think over it.

These are just too good…. [:)]

1. Touch Here If U Dare
2. Can Make Boneless Things Hard
3. Weapons Of Mass Destruction
4. Looking Free, But Touching Costs
5. Only For Rent, Not For Sale
6. Now More Tastier And Healthier
7. Handle With Care
8. Tested By Experts
9. Hot To Handle
10. No One Can Use Just Once

Milo, a friend of Nanhe called him to visit Ganpati at his place last Sunday. Nanhe and his couple of colleagues decided that they will go to Milo’s place together in the evening. Nanhe and Maggi met at Dadar station. Nanhe didn’t have his lunch so they both enjoyed lunch together. In the mean time, Deshmukh Saaheb/Deshmukh joined them. They both then went to Malad by the local train. None of them knew the house of Milo but it is easy to find the way in today’s Hi Tech world. They reached Malad and called Milo to know where to proceed from the station. Milo said that his house was “stone throw away” distance from the station. Milo guided them “perfectly” and that “stone throw away” distance increased by few meters. Any how they reached Milo’s place.

Ganpati decoration was going on at Milo’s place. All 3 of them enjoyed the hospitality of Milo. Milo along with our very idiot Nanhe cracked some really big PJ’s. Deshmukh Saaheb as always was silent but observing the things very closely. Maggi was ebullient after drinking couple of glasses of Fanta. After spending some time, they had photo session with Ganpati Dev@Milo’s place. Then all 3 of them left and had corn/samosa near Milo’s building. It was from here that things started going as per “planned” and few really funny events unfolded. Deshmukh ordered for Butter Corn but that corn waala added butter for sake of it. Nanhe commented “Butter sirf sungha raha hai”. The corn seller got angry and said “poora daaloonga to paise jyaada lagenge.” Nanhe said “daal do. paise to Deshmukh ko dene hain.”

Since all 3 of them were at Malad, they decided to visit Aksa Beach. Milo again told them that Aksa Beach was very near from other side. They crossed the bridge and took auto. While walking, Nanhe held hand of Maggi whenever Deshmukh Saaheb was not watching. It was fun for both of them with Nanhe winking eyes many a time. After taking auto, they were ready to get down very soon since Milo said that it was “very near”. Deshmukh said “Jab tak meter minimum par hai tab tak koi tension nahi.” But as meter started reading 12-15-20-25-35; Deshmukh wondered if auto waala was taking them from longer route. Nanhe and Deshmukh started conversation among themself. They wondered if Milo has “guided” them perfectly again.
Nanhe called up Milo and Milo said,” Abe tum log seriously Aksa Beach jaa rahe the kya? Maine to tumhe Marve Beach ke baare mein bataya tha. That is “stone throw away” distance. Yeh to lamba hai.” Nanhe said “Bahut Sahi.” Then the auto driver also got in conversation with Nanhe and Deshmukh and said that in this area, Rs 100/- is considered to be minimum and started laughing. We asked him how long is it more?

He replied,”Abhi to Malwani aayega–fir Aksa Gaon–fir Ashoka Resort–fir Aksa Chowpaty–fir aayega Aksa Beach.” We just looked into the meter and laughed on the circumstances. Just after getting auto Nanhe and Maggi were asking for party by Deshmukh Saaheb then Deshmukh very said that,” Main auto ka pay karoonga, dinner tum dono dekh lo.” That time he was thinking ki usne chauka maar diya but as meter reading was increasing, Desmukh soch raha tha kaun si ghadi mein maine aisa bol diya. Nanhe and Maggi were enjoying it. They reached the destination and paid Rs 55/- to the auto. At beach, all 3 of them enjoyed. Nanhe and Maggi told Deshmukh about their relationship and thus enjoyed freely on beach after a long time. Seeing at Nanahe and Maggi having gala time together, Deshmukh coltishly said that “Saala tere ko bhi ladki mil gayi aur main abhi tak akela hoon.” There was burst of laugh all around. It was great frolicsomeness. After 40-45 minutes, it was time to return to Malad station.

They took auto again and in less than 1/3rd distance, auto meter was reading more than Rs 30/-. They noticed that meter was running fast. In a mid of signal, they left the auto and caught the bus after running behind it for 2 minutes. In this was they saved atleast 50 bucks of Deshmukh. They returned to Malad and then went to Dadar. At Dadar, all 3 of them had dineer and chatted a lot. Then all of them left to their home.

Jaate Jaate, Deshmukh Saaheb commented: “Milo Ganeshotsav Mehenga Pada par yaadgaar raha.”

Ganpati Festival is going on in full swing in Mumbai. The decoration of various pandals throughout the city is delight to watch. The best time to go around and offer prayers to these pandals is during the night. The main reason being that there is fewer crowds and you can have a good “darshan” of deity.

Nanhe and his friend doctor (Dr) decided to visit few of the pandals on Saturday night. Nanhe finished his work and went to the hostel of Dr. There a plan was made to leave for Saaki’s house where an awesome biryani was waiting for them. Nanhe returned to hostel to accompany Dr aroung 1:30am. Nanhe was extremely tired and it was decided that they will leave after an hour. But when you are this tired, you cannot sleep for only an hour. So finally they left at 4am, Sunday morning. Dr had bike, as soon as they unlocked the bike, Dr observed that Rear View Mirror of bike is missing. He exclaimed, “Mumbai mein Bhaiye bahut ho gaye hain.” ( Nanhe and Dr are from UP too)

Later it was noticed that petrol has also been stolen from bike. Both thought that their plan is taayein taayein Fishhhh now. As Dr was busy abusing, a foe of doctor arrived with his bike. Casually, Dr told him the story. To their surprise he offered them his bike. Dr wondered and couldn’t believe that he is helping them. But they accepted the offer as both of them were excited to go on divine ride.

Out of the blues, doctor asked our bloody Nanhe to drive bike. Nanhe knew driving bike but this was the first time that he was driving bike on the roads of India’s financial capital. It was great fun for him moving from one pandal to other. Before reaching Ganesh Galli they have covered more than half a dozen pandals. Nanhe was driving like Shatabdi Express. Dr and Nanhe parked the vehicle near bus stop where more than 20 bikes were parked and joined queue for darshan. The Pandal was replica of Kedranath Temple and was really beautiful. Dr and Nanhe went in and then enjoyed a mini fare there. They played few games, tried their hands in shooting and got their name written on rice grain. In a shooting competition both Dr and Nanhe had an accuracy of 80%.
It was a moment when they felt they were in their childhood. It was really fun.

Then they were supposed to go to GSB Wadala. But when they reached the area where their bike was parked, they couldn’t locate it. A police man told them it has been lifted by traffic police and asked to go to Bhoiwada Police Station near Parel. There was no vehicle available as road was blocked and so they both went walking and reached the police station. Their policeman told that as their bike is at Byculla Police Station near Ranibagh. Nanhe and Dr realized that there was something “big” in store for them. They were enjoying this test and were laughing on their “Kismet” and Dr was comparing all the happenings with his infamous “SCRIPT THEORY”. Jo Likha hota hai Wahi hota hai!! Chalta Chalte band baj rahi thi….

Well they caught a bus to Byculla but then that bus stopped at Lalbagh and they had to cover more than 2.5 km distance walking again. On reaching Ranibagh doctor realized that by getting down to different stop near Ranibagh they would have traversed the distance in less than 10 minutes. But it was too late…. They laughed again and got their bike released from the station by paying Rs 200/-. Nanhe drove the bike and soon the bike was talking to air. Their was sense of victory for no reason in Dr and Nanhe.

Then they went to GSB Wadala. There was no parking problem but with the previous “tragedy” they parked their vehicle on the parking area told by the traffic hawaldar. It took more than 15 minutes to park bike. Phew…
After darshan they left for the hostel. It was memorable morning with every incident unfolding in the way with accordance with the Script Theory. But it couldn’t deter Dr and nanhe and they visited all the pandals they have planned before. Probably, this was karma for their deeds or test by Lord Ganesha. Whatever; the bottom-line was it was great morning!!!!