Nanhe Nawaab

The term ‘one-night stand’ comes from the world of showbiz, originally meaning a one- off theatre performance. Those three magic words - ‘one’, ‘night’ and ’stand - sound so casual and carefree. But read on, there are five important tips to consider, before starring in a one-night-only hook-up.
Emergency exit
Pre-arrange a call from a trusted dost early in the proceedings. That way, if your date is a crashing bore or potential psychopath, you can make a quick getaway. What? My aged daadi in Bhatinda has been rushed to hospital? You want me to come immediately? The phone-a-friend trick can be a timely lifeline.
Money nahi hai to honey hai
The rules of engagement in a one-night stand are simple. There’s no question of will they/won’t they? The main course on the menu is sex. There’s no need to spend your hard-earned rupees on London priced drinks at Tabula Rasa or Shalom. Instead, splash out 10 rupees max on bhel puri, and wash it down with a cholera cocktail of sugarcane juice. Then, the formalities of wining and dining over, make a beeline back to yours for something even spicier.
Help! I’ve been burgled!
It’s Murphy’s Law that the only time you score on a night out is when your place looks like it hasn’t seen a duster in weeks. The solution is, as you open the door… exclaim in wild surprise that your room has been raided by robbers. Why else would everything be in such disarray? It may work. But might not account for the overflow of old pizza boxes, or the science experiment growing in week-old tea cups.
Emergency contraception
You came. You saw. And you’re about to conquer. There’s just one final hurdle to get over before you jump into bed. Girls, did you forget to shave your legs before the date? Boys, are you wearing 25-rupee underwear, instead of your Calvin Klein pulling pants? If the answer to the above questions is ‘yes’, then the emergency contraception worked. Unshaved legs and cheap chaddis are the most effective methods of preventing unwanted pregnancy. Being too embarrassed to get undressed is the ultimate night-before-the-morning-after-pill.
No kismat konnection
Even if the sex was mind-blowing, do remember a one-night stand is just that. One night. Don’t go looking for a ‘kismat konnection’ with your new bedroom buddy. Don’t even expect a good morning cup of coffee. Just get up while they’re still zedding, hunt around the room for discarded clothing, and escape from the scene of the crime. Now for the hard part.
The walk of shame.
You are dishevelled, bleary-eyed and still half drunk. You are modeling bed head, and you’re in totally unsuitable evening wear that gives off the smell of sex and smoke. Respectable Delhiites on their way to work may give you a double take as you slink home. Still, if you got your paisa vasool from the sex, that’s worth any amount of curious looks from strangers.

Source: Yahoo 

A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands.

On their wedding night, she told her new husband, “Please be gentle, I’m still a virgin.”

“What?” said the puzzled groom.

“How can that be if you’ve been married ten times?”

“Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative: he kept telling me how great it was going to be.

Husband #2 was in software services: he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he’d look into it and get back to me.

Husband #3 was from field services: he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn’t get the system up.

Husband #4 was in telemarketing: even though he knew he had the order, he didn’t know when he would be able to deliver.

Husband #5 was an engineer: he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.

Husband #6 was from finance and administration: he thought he knew how, but he wasn’t sure whether it was his job or not.

Husband #7 was in marketing: although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.

Husband #8 was a psychologist: all he ever did was talk about it.

Husband #9 was a gynecologist: all he did was look at it.

Husband #10 was a stamp collector: all he ever did was… God! I miss him! But now that I’ve married you, I’m really excited!”

“Good,” said the new husband, “but, why?”

“You’re a lawyer. This time I know I’m gonna get screwed!”

Nanhe lived in the college hostel from the year 2004-08. The time has passed so fast but the memories or as has and his friends say “ADHYAY” are so many that it might not be possible to pen down each of them in this post.
The hostel life for Nanhe started in October 2004 and from there on he has met with various people. Some very interesting and some even more interesting. He and his few very good friends resided in Room No 212 and 312 of the hostel.
The first incident which comes into mind is that of ragging. Ragging was great fun. In one of many incidents, Satan (P S) was asked to put a big “Danda” near Nanhe’s “LING” and was asked to sucked it! In another incident “CHAMP” was made to run from one side of the room to another and was asked to blow horn at various virtual stops. Can you guess how he was supposed to blow horn—- By pressing his butts!!
One when Nanhe, Champ and Rawal Saaheb were walking in the campus when seniors like S Mittal asked all three of them to sit on rostrum near Arts College and pose like the three monkeys of Gandhiji.
Champ was asked to be “Jo bandar dekh nahi sakta” and the champ closed his ears. WoW! said S Mittal!!!!
At that same time Satan was running barefoot with slippers in his hands. Kya Scene Hai!
Then in the second year after Dada left Hiten Jain “Apna Profit” came to Nanhe’s room. In those 2 months there was so much negative energy in the room. The guy cried on every little things. “Aaj Garmi nahut Hai”, “Kuch Samajh nahi aa raha hai”, “Mess ka khaana bahut jhaantu hai” etc etc were his few statements. In August 2005, Satan joined Nanhe’s room and SS joined the hostel. Thereafter started—-एक नया इतिहास जिसमे रोजाना एक नया अध्याय जोड़ा गया……..

1. One Night Nanhe, Rawal Saaheb, Champ were very depressed of having no girl friends while Satan was enjoying the life with Soooooooo Mannyyyyyyy.
Nanhe requested Satan to find him the one girl as well. He readily agreed and next day Nanhe dressed in New Kurta and reached cafe near the hostel. He was made to wait for couple of hours and drank atleast 4 cups of coffee ALONE…….. WTF Man……….
The same night when the discussion was going on, Rawal Saaheb was sleeping but something happened and he suddenly waked and in a very बेचारी condition said to Satan– यार हमारा भी कुछ जुगाड़ लगाओ न……! Nanhe and Satan laughed like anything seeing the face and ishtyle of Rawal Saaheb.

2. While Nanhe and Rawal Saaheb cleaned the room every week and when ever they asked Satan and Champ to clean they will say “कल ही तो लगाई थी, पूछ लीजिये इससे……” They both will team up and continued to enjoy the clean room!!

3. Rawal Saaheb को बीच बीच में कुछ हो जाता था. एक दिनों वोह मोजे पहन कर सो जाते थे तो कभी सर पर रूमाल बाँध कर, एक दिने GYM जाते थे तो एक दिनों दूध पीता थे…….. एक बार Cricket खेलते थे तो अगले दिनों सन्यास गोषित कर देते थे…… Rawal Saaheb was just an amazing personality.
But he was like an elder brother to all 2008 batch people and was very dear to 2,3/12 room.

4. एक नयी भख पेली जाती थी in semester 6th when Rawal Saaheb used to get mangoes for us from his farm. खाने के बाद सबको message किया जाता था………“आम पेल दिया गया है…..”

5. The real fun time was of the exams when all the people ran for some अज्ञातवास to study. Nanhe used to taught new “AASANS” to cope with the examination fun.

6. Remember that SS episode. He was very happy that finally a very sexy girl and his old friend had break off with his BF and was showing interest in SS. Then one night he entered 212 in under wear and said, “हमारा चूतिया कट गया , उसका तो पहले से ही boy friend है” All the roommates laughed a lot that night and enjoyed the SS’s various comments.

7. The “BAAP” of all Bakchodis was when Satan and Nanhe had some very weird argument in night that went on to a bet. In the mid of corridor what happened is known to few. Satan must be laughing reading this. Champ was sleeping that time and rushed out of room and very excitedly told everyone.

8. There was one incident in Rajwadi. Maruti clarified that there is no chicken available today but our dearest Mity continued asking —-”चिकन है चिकन है “. Maruti was irritated badly that time. Yaad hai Mity kuch??

9. Our champ created new records every time. Champ had his semester KT exam and nanhe was going to Churchgate for some work. Champ came down to hostel with Nanhe and just before entrance to the college he said,”रुको मैं भी चलता हूँ “. Nanhe was stunned but then this is so especial about our champ.

10. Why was KK named Babu is also very interesting story. एक बार Babu की मूछों में एक सफ़ेद बाल देखा गया था और उसके बाद उन्हें Babu की उपाधी से नवाजा गया था. समय के साथ साथ वे पूरे कालेज में Babu के नाम से famous हो गए.

11. During the tour of South Africa in 2006, India performed very badly in the ODI series. The Champ was so disturbed by the defeat that he pasted photographs of few SA batsmen/bowler and practised hard looking at them.

Note: If u remember any of our bhakhs then write it in the comments. Lets’ remember all those funny moments.

As you all know that Nanhe has just given his Examinations and is having a gala time.
The Oral Examinations of the final year of engineering was indeed a big fun, though few call it stress but Nanhe has always called it like a CRICKET Match. Nanhe and his team members appeared for 9 matches in the final year. Moreover, in this game of CRICKET you can hardly do anything when the bowling attack is unknown and they are allowed to bowl “N” number of bouncers in an over.

The choice is very limited and thus the best thing is to go out and enjoy in the oral examinations. Because any how you will be RAPED so its better that you enjoy the RAPE!

Nanhe devised few clear cut strategies which can make sure that you will atleast not fail in an oral exam.

1. Always wear formal dress. Your attire gives you five marks.
2. Comb your hair without oil and always BE CONFIDENT while facing the balls from the opposition. This can get you 5 more marks.

So you need not to do anything if you follow the above two steps.

In case you are lucky then it is possible that you are able to hit few balls for single or double then your total marks obtained will be 5 more. One thing keep in mind while facing “SNAKY” in KJSCE that he is very deceptive. He will ask what have you studied? Then will ask questions from all topics except those you told him you studied.
And never ask him for choices. He has only two choice—- Zero or 1 !!
In an oral exam you often go to crease with 2-3 players and thus you need to make sure that you rotate the strike so that every gets a chance to face a particular “ball” and if anyone connects it then it might fetch you maximum!
Remember, in this game of ORAL exam you need to compliment and enjoy your partner’s success.
If you don’t do that then you are stupid and will cause the harm in the overall scoring of the duo or trio.
Always maintain a nice SMILE on your face, no matter how hard it is getting!
SMILE can definitely fetch you few marks more.
B+ because even if you are unable to play a single ball then you have lifeline. But tat lifetime is very time consuming. Nanhe was offered such a lifeline in AWP and it took him 2-3 hours to complete the DRAWING of 25 antennas but later he score 12 marks. So you must be positive because you will hardly be bowled for DUCK in an oral exam.

So all of NANHE’s juniors and others who will be giving oral examinations, don’t worry and give a best SHOT and enjoy the RAPE!!

So the college life is over as of now for Nanhe. The exams ended on 5th June’08.
Nanhe and all his friends are now eagerly waiting for new phase of life. But what will they do now? Oops! they have completed their Engineering Education. Nanhe doesn’t knows about others but he considers himself to be one of the worst graduate coming from tech institute.
Nanhe is not joking and few instances in engineering itself prove this.
A recent survey showed that the companies in India say that every 26th graduate is unemployable in India. Nanhe happens to be the one of those lucky 26th graduate who have been employed by one of the good companies in the world.
The Roll Numbers 0413101, 0413102, 0413103 and 0413104 enjoyed their term together a lot. A especial thanks to them on behalf of Nanhe for making Engineering an interesting thing.
A very especial thanks to the batch of BE EXTC 2008 batch students and of course Original DIVISION B Rocks!
Nanhe still remembers the Chemistry practicals in the first year where we did the practicals very seriously, but once Rajju told that there will be no practical examinations till semester IV and all the seriousness faded away. Since then engineering has been fun with no sincerity in studies and there was fun all time. The Quizzes in the Labs, Mafia, Churree, Cricket, Volleyball (Remember that Competition in Mahalaxmi Hostel), Informalz in Symphony and Nanhe ने सबको बहुत पकाया. Sorry तो नन्हें बोलता नहीं है इसलिए ऐश करो and remember him with all those stupid things and talks that Nanhe did.

Coming back to the topic, now that exams are over and Nanhe feels that he will clear the exams so he calls himself a “GRADUATE” now.
कुछ बहुत ही मस्त मस्त किस्से हुए हैं जिससे पता चलेगा कि why Nanhe is worst!

1. Till date Nanhe has no knowledge of how that bloody transistor works. He did his specialization in ELECTRONICS & TELECOM, Oh My Gooooooooooooood!!

2. Nanhe never performed the practicals in the lab and was on verge of failing practical of WST but because of HSD he was able to clear that hurdle. Nanhe would like to thank HSD here as well. Thankyou Maaaaaaaam!

3. The 5th semester was very good. Nanhe scored 40 in 5 subjects and lost a bet to Rathi. The bet was that Nanhe will score 65+ in FT and the result was so good that he scored————–41!! ज़बरदस्त ! It was in this semester that the famous OMKARA Gang was formed and it is still there and अल्लाह कि मर्ज़ी रही तो ज़िन्दगी भर रहेगा ! जय श्री राम !

4. Nanhe still doesnt knows the programming on Micro Processors and what is the functions of that “stupid” DYNA!

5. The Microprocessor was repeated in 6th semester again with the addition of Memory and it was called Micro Controllers. Oooof!!!! The viva was even more fun. MG Deo asked Nanhe to get out and study and then appear for VIVAs. Nanhe did the WDT in pracs and when was asked question about that in the viva, he was screwed and he gave an entire NEW DEFINITION of Watch Dog Timer.
Ask 0413104, he was there! MG Deo को क्या पता कि नन्हें ने reading याद कर ली थी और वही लिख दिया था !!!!

6. The final year was real indicator of how Nanhe has done in the Engineering. First he was f****d by that Jhakki SNAKY in the oral of DTSP. MDC oral was ok and RADAR external was spell bounded by so many new answers from Nanhe. Nanhe still remembers her face!! That was so soothing because ऐसे उत्तर दिए थे कि उसे भी अपने CONCEPTS से विश्वास उठ गया होगा . Then all records were broken when JMK herself asked “Do you deserve to pass in oral of DCom?”
Nanhe lost the 4 match series 1-3.

7. The final semester was so easy going until March. Then Nanhe and his group realized that अरे हम लोग को project भी करना है in the final years. Then Nanhe and his team executed the code of VHDL but it wasn’t working. So many people came and TRIED to help but in vain. Finally the code was done. But a day before the presentation and Vivas his team came to know that we have developed something different than what was intended!!!! ई कौन चीज़ ……….. कुछ नया ही बन गया बे……!!

8. Then again the season started and this time the series was of 5 matches. All matches were Ok. But you cannot keep Nanhe away from hogging limelight for too long and so he made a new record.
In the oral of OFC, internal was DPK and external was—– OMG that radar female is there again! कोई बात नहीं….आज भी इसका band bajega! And guess what in a reply to one question, Nanhe transmitted two analog signals in an Optical Fiber. Isn’t that great?

Apart from this, in the theory exam Nanhe and number 0413104 never knew any concepts and always by heart everything that came in way of an answer. Luckily there were hardly any conceptual based paper in MU so it was smooth sailing. But when Nanhe looks back, he realizes that what a mockery of Engineering?

The four years have passed and now Nanhe and all his friends will leave for different places for job or higher studies. But it is because of “Telecommunication” that they can still remain in touch with each other. It was fun at KJSCE with so many good experiences and few really very bad and that tussle with the College Management was great!
Nanhe would like to thank all his classmates and all the students who helped him in these 4 years and their memories are etched in his mind forever. Wishing the luck to everyone.

Here is a pic of BE EXTC “B”.

The people who can spot Nanhe, please add your some memorable moment.

Nanhe has dedicated this song from a HINDI फिल्म दोस्ताना : The song is in voice of legendary Kishore Da and Rafi Saaheb!

Rafi:
Bane chaahe dushman zamaana humaara -2
Salaamat rahe dostaana humaara
Kishore:
Bane chaahe dushman zamaana humaara
Salaamat rahe dostaana humaara
Rafi:
Salaamat rahe dostaana humaara
Both:
Bane chaahe dushman zamaana humaara
Salaamat rahe dostaana humaara

Rafi:
Woh khwaabon ke din woh kitaabon ke din -2
Sawaalon ki raaten jawaabon ke din
Kayi saal humne guzaare yahaan
Yahin saath khele hue hum jawaan, hue hum jawaan
Tha bachpan bada aashiqaana humaara
Salaamat rahe dostaana humaara
Both:
Bane chaahe dushman zamaana humaara
Salaamat rahe dostaana humaara

Kishore:
Na bichhdenge mar ke bhi hum doston -2
Humein dosti ki qasam doston
Pata koyi poochhe to kehte hain hum
Ke ek duje ke dil me rehte hain hum, rehte hain hum
Nahin aur koyi thikaana humaara
Salaamat rahe dostaana humaara
Both:
Bane chaahe dushman zamaana humaara
Salaamat rahe dostaana humaara
Kishore:
Salaamat rahe dostaana humaara
Both:
Bane chaahe dushman zamaana humaara
Salaamat rahe dostaana humaara

When was the last time you saw the latest happenings in India through cartoon. Here are the few best cartoons and don’t forget to appreciate the artists.

Arguing with girls, like yoga, is a meaningless and inane exercise. A lot of guys hate doing it, most notably because it never seems like we can win. But you can win. Here’s how.

Step 1. Abandon all logic. Girls don’t use it, and you certainly shouldn’t allow it to handicap you.
Step 2. If you believe strongly in something, do NOT give in to any aspect of it. Compromise is useless against girls, because they will rationalize that if they can get you to concede to one element, they can get you to quit on the whole fuckin’ Periodic Table. (Nothing like a little chemistry humor, right?)

Step 3. Don’t be afraid to take cheap shots. Ever argue with a girl about something and they randomly insult you with something that has no relevance to the argument? That’s their way of trying to wear you down and push you off-topic. Fight fire with fire, I say. Tell her she has a fat ass, small boobs, an ugly face, disorienting facial hair, unwieldy hips, and is a genuinely awful person.

Step 4. Cite precedent. Girls have no concept of historical factors relating to the current situation. Most girls reading this just went over to dictionary.com to see what “precedent” meant.

Step 5. Interrupt her. Don’t let her talk. Girls hate that like they hate other girls. It’s hilarious, too. They get all frazzled.

Step 6. Don’t take her seriously. Laugh at every point she deems serious in nature. Fart, if possible. Derail her emotional train.

Step 7. If the argument escalates, cut off all communication with her. If a girl can’t find you, she can’t continue arguing about bullshit. Change your phone number, relocate, and get a name change if you must.

Step 8. Don’t be fooled by “Let’s stop arguing please.” That’s their way of making you let your guard down, so they can swoop in after you’re worn down. Instead, say something like “Yeah, all this being right is exhausting for me.” Pisses them off. Just trust me.

Step 9. Compare her unfavorably with another girl. This is especially effective if the comparison is with a girl that they simply abhor. Tell her something like, “Lisa is so much more compassionate than you.” Girls hate other girls, like a deer hates a shotgun. And how do you take down a deer? Exactly.

Step 10. Don’t be intimidated by the water works. That’s their ultimate contingency, knowing that guys can’t deal with a crying girl. Stay strong, don’t let yourself get emotional, just think of something funny. Replay scenes from “Office Space” in your head if you must.

Step 11. Bust out, “I don’t feel like fighting. I’ve proven my point.” Then stop. Leave the argument. It pisses them off because a guy’s natural reaction is to resolve, whereas a girl’s is to continue forever and ever until the end of time until they hear that they are right. If a guy decides that he is right and won’t budge, their whole concept of male-female relations is shot to shit. Again, mind games.

Step 12. Ask her if she’s on the rag. Self-explanatory.

Step 13. When all else fails, tell her she’s just like her mother. It’s an ace-in-the-hole and will emotionally cripple her to such a degree she may even forget her whole argument.

Remember, girls are the less intelligent of the genders. All throughout history men have out-thought, out-invented, and out-created women in every facet of existence. Isn’t it about time we won an argument for once? Gentlemen, that time is now.

Disclaimer: This article is intended not for any offence and is just published for comic and fun reading.
Source: Pointsincase

This story appeared in HT Cafe on 22/04/08 and this is what i call “IPL Effect”.

Indian’s are crazy about two things - Bollywood and cricket. And with both coming together this season in the form of IPL matches, which will continue till June 1, many have shifted their loyalties from their loved ones and even work, to the idiot box.

Twenty-six-year-old Ashish Sinha, recently told his girlfriend Neha not to ‘bug’ him on days when his favourite teams were playing.

And how did she react? Says Neha, “I was kind of prepared for it; I might even watch a couple of matches with him.” Unlucky few While their problem has been nicely sorted out, Sachin Kumar, a chartered accountant, will have to go underground for a while. “I’ve told my girlfriend that I’ll be doing late shifts in the office. But I’ll be watching the matches on the big screen. Women never understand these guy things,” he sighs.

Kashmeera Sahni, an HR executive, and her group, have come up with a special strategy “Since all of us . can’t be absent from work at the same time, we have a plan - we’ve decided on days when we will ‘fall sick’, depending on which team is playing,” says Sahni.
I ndian’s are crazy about two things - Bollywood and cricket. And with both coming together this season in the form of IPL matches, which will continue till June 1, many have shifted their loyalties from their loved ones and even work, to the idiot box. Twenty-six-year-old Ashish Sinha, recently told his girlfriend Neha not to ‘bug’ him on days when his favourite teams were playing. And how did she react? Says Neha, “I was kind of prepared for it; I might even watch a couple of matches with him.” Unlucky few While their problem has been nicely sorted out, Sachin Kumar, a chartered accountant, will have to go under- ground for a while. “I’ve told my girlfriend that I’ll be doing late shifts in the office. But I’ll be watching the matches on the big screen. Women never understand these guy things,” he sighs. Kashmeera Sahni, an HR executive, and her group, have come up with a special strategy “Since all of us . can’t be absent from work at the same time, we have a plan - we’ve decided on days when we will ‘fall sick’, depending on which team is playing,” says Sahni.

Hey Nanhe was just continuing with his thesis when he concluded the following. This article is on Drunkards and is taken from Funny Jokes.

THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:

1. Innovative

2. Preliminary

3. Proliferation

4. Cinnamon

THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:

1. Specificity

2. Anti-constitutionalistically

3. Passive-aggressive disorder

4. Transubstantiate

THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:

1. No thanks, I’m married.

2. Nope, no more booze for me!

3. Sorry, but you’re not really my type.

4. Doner Kebab? No thanks, I’m not hungry.

5. Good evening, officer. Isn’t it lovely out tonight?

6. Oh, I couldn’t! No one wants to hear me sing karaoke.

7. I’m not interested in fighting you.

8. Thank you, but I won’t make any attempt to dance, I have no coordination. I’d hate to look like a fool!

9. Where is the nearest bathroom? I refuse to pee in this car park or on the side of the road.

10. I must be going home now, as I have to work in the morning.

Nanhe says—- always prefer sex over chocolate. This article is for those who cannot find sex. यह लेख केवल उनके लीए है, जो अभी तक मौके का इंतज़ार कर रहे हैं….

Its just to console their hearts and motivate them unless they “open their account”. Carry on with your search. All the Best……………….

1. You can easily get a chocolate.
2. Chocolate satisfies even when it has gone soft.
3. Two people of the same sex can have chocolate without being labeled by names such as GAY or LESBIAN.
4. The word “commitment” has no importance while having chocolate.
5. With chocolate there’s no need to “fake it”.
6. You can have as many kinds of chocolate as you can want.
7. With chocolate size doesn’t matter.
8. You can even ask a stranger for chocolate without getting your face slapped.
9. You can safely have chocolate while you are driving.
10. You are never too young or too old for chocolate.