Nanhe Nawaab

Arguing with girls, like yoga, is a meaningless and inane exercise. A lot of guys hate doing it, most notably because it never seems like we can win. But you can win. Here’s how.

Step 1. Abandon all logic. Girls don’t use it, and you certainly shouldn’t allow it to handicap you.
Step 2. If you believe strongly in something, do NOT give in to any aspect of it. Compromise is useless against girls, because they will rationalize that if they can get you to concede to one element, they can get you to quit on the whole fuckin’ Periodic Table. (Nothing like a little chemistry humor, right?)

Step 3. Don’t be afraid to take cheap shots. Ever argue with a girl about something and they randomly insult you with something that has no relevance to the argument? That’s their way of trying to wear you down and push you off-topic. Fight fire with fire, I say. Tell her she has a fat ass, small boobs, an ugly face, disorienting facial hair, unwieldy hips, and is a genuinely awful person.

Step 4. Cite precedent. Girls have no concept of historical factors relating to the current situation. Most girls reading this just went over to dictionary.com to see what “precedent” meant.

Step 5. Interrupt her. Don’t let her talk. Girls hate that like they hate other girls. It’s hilarious, too. They get all frazzled.

Step 6. Don’t take her seriously. Laugh at every point she deems serious in nature. Fart, if possible. Derail her emotional train.

Step 7. If the argument escalates, cut off all communication with her. If a girl can’t find you, she can’t continue arguing about bullshit. Change your phone number, relocate, and get a name change if you must.

Step 8. Don’t be fooled by “Let’s stop arguing please.” That’s their way of making you let your guard down, so they can swoop in after you’re worn down. Instead, say something like “Yeah, all this being right is exhausting for me.” Pisses them off. Just trust me.

Step 9. Compare her unfavorably with another girl. This is especially effective if the comparison is with a girl that they simply abhor. Tell her something like, “Lisa is so much more compassionate than you.” Girls hate other girls, like a deer hates a shotgun. And how do you take down a deer? Exactly.

Step 10. Don’t be intimidated by the water works. That’s their ultimate contingency, knowing that guys can’t deal with a crying girl. Stay strong, don’t let yourself get emotional, just think of something funny. Replay scenes from “Office Space” in your head if you must.

Step 11. Bust out, “I don’t feel like fighting. I’ve proven my point.” Then stop. Leave the argument. It pisses them off because a guy’s natural reaction is to resolve, whereas a girl’s is to continue forever and ever until the end of time until they hear that they are right. If a guy decides that he is right and won’t budge, their whole concept of male-female relations is shot to shit. Again, mind games.

Step 12. Ask her if she’s on the rag. Self-explanatory.

Step 13. When all else fails, tell her she’s just like her mother. It’s an ace-in-the-hole and will emotionally cripple her to such a degree she may even forget her whole argument.

Remember, girls are the less intelligent of the genders. All throughout history men have out-thought, out-invented, and out-created women in every facet of existence. Isn’t it about time we won an argument for once? Gentlemen, that time is now.

Disclaimer: This article is intended not for any offence and is just published for comic and fun reading.
Source: Pointsincase

This story appeared in HT Cafe on 22/04/08 and this is what i call “IPL Effect”.

Indian’s are crazy about two things - Bollywood and cricket. And with both coming together this season in the form of IPL matches, which will continue till June 1, many have shifted their loyalties from their loved ones and even work, to the idiot box.

Twenty-six-year-old Ashish Sinha, recently told his girlfriend Neha not to ‘bug’ him on days when his favourite teams were playing.

And how did she react? Says Neha, “I was kind of prepared for it; I might even watch a couple of matches with him.” Unlucky few While their problem has been nicely sorted out, Sachin Kumar, a chartered accountant, will have to go underground for a while. “I’ve told my girlfriend that I’ll be doing late shifts in the office. But I’ll be watching the matches on the big screen. Women never understand these guy things,” he sighs.

Kashmeera Sahni, an HR executive, and her group, have come up with a special strategy “Since all of us . can’t be absent from work at the same time, we have a plan - we’ve decided on days when we will ‘fall sick’, depending on which team is playing,” says Sahni.
I ndian’s are crazy about two things - Bollywood and cricket. And with both coming together this season in the form of IPL matches, which will continue till June 1, many have shifted their loyalties from their loved ones and even work, to the idiot box. Twenty-six-year-old Ashish Sinha, recently told his girlfriend Neha not to ‘bug’ him on days when his favourite teams were playing. And how did she react? Says Neha, “I was kind of prepared for it; I might even watch a couple of matches with him.” Unlucky few While their problem has been nicely sorted out, Sachin Kumar, a chartered accountant, will have to go under- ground for a while. “I’ve told my girlfriend that I’ll be doing late shifts in the office. But I’ll be watching the matches on the big screen. Women never understand these guy things,” he sighs. Kashmeera Sahni, an HR executive, and her group, have come up with a special strategy “Since all of us . can’t be absent from work at the same time, we have a plan - we’ve decided on days when we will ‘fall sick’, depending on which team is playing,” says Sahni.

Hey Nanhe was just continuing with his thesis when he concluded the following. This article is on Drunkards and is taken from Funny Jokes.

THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:

1. Innovative

2. Preliminary

3. Proliferation

4. Cinnamon

THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:

1. Specificity

2. Anti-constitutionalistically

3. Passive-aggressive disorder

4. Transubstantiate

THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:

1. No thanks, I’m married.

2. Nope, no more booze for me!

3. Sorry, but you’re not really my type.

4. Doner Kebab? No thanks, I’m not hungry.

5. Good evening, officer. Isn’t it lovely out tonight?

6. Oh, I couldn’t! No one wants to hear me sing karaoke.

7. I’m not interested in fighting you.

8. Thank you, but I won’t make any attempt to dance, I have no coordination. I’d hate to look like a fool!

9. Where is the nearest bathroom? I refuse to pee in this car park or on the side of the road.

10. I must be going home now, as I have to work in the morning.

Nanhe says—- always prefer sex over chocolate. This article is for those who cannot find sex. यह लेख केवल उनके लीए है, जो अभी तक मौके का इंतज़ार कर रहे हैं….

Its just to console their hearts and motivate them unless they “open their account”. Carry on with your search. All the Best……………….

1. You can easily get a chocolate.
2. Chocolate satisfies even when it has gone soft.
3. Two people of the same sex can have chocolate without being labeled by names such as GAY or LESBIAN.
4. The word “commitment” has no importance while having chocolate.
5. With chocolate there’s no need to “fake it”.
6. You can have as many kinds of chocolate as you can want.
7. With chocolate size doesn’t matter.
8. You can even ask a stranger for chocolate without getting your face slapped.
9. You can safely have chocolate while you are driving.
10. You are never too young or too old for chocolate.

Nanhe couldn’t find a girl for himself till date, but he has studied a lot on how to seduce and attract the girl. He has been a failure when it comes to girls but you can try his tips and succeed. If you have really succeeded then just post a comment to let Nanhe know about that. Here goes our very own Nanhe.

Guys, before you can date women, you will first have to learn how to approach them and meet them. When you find a really hot girl that interests you, you can never take her on a date unless you go straight to her and use all your charm that you have mastered so you will not get rejected.

You will not Spend Valentine’s Day Alone

• If you are really serious about taking your success with women to a level you never ever dreamed possible. Check this out and I will tell you the reason you should avoid so you’ll never have to face failure again.
• I haven’t used pheromones or colognes that they say do attract women when you use them, but I do know that their effects do die out. You have to realize that love is not something “instant”. It is something you build one brick at a time, invest hardwork and real emotions before you can reap results and be loved in return.
• Picking up women can seem like a full time job for most men but if you know where and when you can go to find them, the choices of women you can get is endless. Go to where there are a lot of them!
• Friendships with women are wonderful and some guys even have a girl for a best friend. These friendships are special in their own way BUT we all have to agree that being more than a friend to a really hot girl compares to nothing. Sources

If any girl who has read this and want to go on a date with Nanhe, do let him know. He is waiting and waiting……..

A seductive glance or a smart pickup line -all of us know that flirting is the crucial first step of the dating ladder. This vital interaction can either make or break our chances of developing new relationships.

For some, flirting comes as naturally as breathing. For others, the mere thought is enough to make them tense. Many agree that one does not have to be a raving beauty or a stud to flirt successfully.. it’s only attitude. Eye contact Rahul, a diehard flirt professes, “Be positive, upbeat and self-confident.. and you’ll waste no time in attracting the opposite sex. If you’re not the confident sort, no one has to know that. Project an air of confidence by standing up straight with your chin held high and shoulders pulled back.”

Sonal feels that eye contact is a great way to flirt across the room, if one is too shy to approach the person. She adds, “This might entice the person to make the first move. Combined with a cheerful smile, this is the best way to look approachable and attract someone without saying a word.”

She feels that you have to give the impression that you’re having a good time.. people find you more attractive. For the bold sort, there’s the tried-and-tested ‘break the ice by making conversation’. But some argue that it’s difficult to carry on a conversation if the answers received are in monosyllables. Physical contact So the trick is to ask questions that require a longer response. Kunal, a self-proclaimed flirt feels that slight physical contact can work wonders. “If you are in a crowded place and it’s hard to hear, lean forward and rest your hand very lightly on the other person’s arm while he or she is talking to you.

“If the person does not approve of this, he or she will pull away. Look out for these signals and back off if necessary. You shouldn’t come across as a creep or get slapped,” he ends with a laugh. Common interests According to experts, after you’ve managed to strike a conversation, it’s important to show genuine interest in what the person is saying. Looking into the distance with glazed eyes and an offhand “yeah,” every now and then will not take you anywhere.

But nothing works like sharing common interests. Kunal liked a girl in college and made his moves after checking out her interests. He was lucky to discover that they had common interests.

Prachi married Harish after going around with him for four years. It was love at first sight for them but they were too shy to express it. Prachi laughs, “I knew he wanted to talk to me. He’s shy and I’m the reserved sort.. so none of us could make the first move. Charm appeal After a point, she got very desperate to talk to him. One day she wore a bright T-shirt with a catchy message on it. It worked. She laughs, “I can easily recommend my tried-and-tested formula to those in a similar situation.”

For many, flirting with someone doesn’t necessarily mean they want to hit the sheets with that person. It’s just a mood-booster. They never fail to compliment even a 70-year-old or flash a smile at a waiter or liftman. The bottom line is - you never know who’s watching you. Your charm could be working on a cute bystander unawares.

Source: HT Cafe 

Some say “football”. Some say “baseball”. Canadians say “hockey”. Indian say ” Cricket.” The rest of the world says “soccer”. (Actually, they say “football”, too…but they mean “soccer”.)

I am also great lover of “CRICKET” but after recent Harbhajan-Symonds controversy on racial slur i think that Cricket is no more a Gentleman’s game and so i have now moved away from Cricket.

Now I say: “kissing”. Yes, kissing is the greatest sport on earth.

Kissing is the “Pact” between two players and it is played in such a way that no one can accuse each other of breaking the trust, not like of Kumble-Ponting pact which was breached by Clarke. There is no racial comments involved. There will be no wide criticism even if you fail once or twice.

Allow me to explain just a few more reasons.

• Kissing is the most versatile sport around. There are so many types of kisses to choose from – at least one for just about any occasion.
• Kissing is easy to transport. It really doesn’t matter where you are. You can kiss: at the gym, in the boardroom, in the space shuttle.
• Kissing requires so little equipment, which means you can do it even when not prepared for the occasion, and even when you have to travel light. This makes it the ideal participation sport for businessmen, world travelers etc
• Kissing always livens things up. Try this: the next time you are in an oh-so-booooring meeting that seems to last oh-so-foreeeeever, why not just kiss somebody. Go ahead; try it. See how it livens things up?
• Kissing is legal in all 50 states and most earth-bound countries. Rumors are circulating that kissing will even be legalized soon on Mars, Jupiter and in Afghanistan.
• Kissing is 100% biodegradable, so when you kiss somebody, you help the environment.
• Kissing is safe to do in a moving vehicle, as long as you are not driving.
• Kissing is non toxic…unless you kiss somebody who has just swallowed a bottle of Drano.
• Kissing is non-fattening. This is perhaps the best news of all, because dieters now have something to keep their mouths busy while not eating, and smokers can quit smoking without having to chew candies until they a) need to diet or b) induce diabetes. So KISSING PREVENTS DIABETES
• Kissing meets the toughest safety regulations of any national or international sporting organization. Kissing has a tremendous safety record, except for the occasional locked braces.

Nanhe recently was fed up of not having a Girl Friend. One day he was just mulling over his badluck when suddenly he realised, it is good if you are not having a Girl Friend. Read on ……

1. You can stare at any Girl.
2. You don’t have to spend money on her.
3. No girlfriend, no emotional blackmailing.
4. Having a girlfriend is hot, not having a girlfriend is automatically cool, and every one loves to be a cool guy.
5. You won’t have to tolerate someone else defining, “right” and “wrong” for you.
6. Girlfriend can get so possessive that you can’t do anything according your wishes anymore.
7. You wont have to see boring love stories instead of sports.
8. No nonstop nonsense.
9. You wont have to hide your telephone bills.
10. You won’t have to waste paper writing love letters. No more endless waiting for your date to arrive at some weird shop place.

Nanhe recently met few of his friends who were dating different women (By Nationality, Colour, etc) and found some of the weird and funny experiences of them while they were busy Dating. Read it and let Nanhe know if you have any other experience as well.

INDIAN WOMEN:
First date: Meet her parents.
Second date: Set the date of the wedding.
Third date: Wedding night.

IRISH WOMEN:
First Date: You both get blind drunk and make love
Second Date: You both get blind drunk and make love
20th Anniversary: You both get blind drunk and make love

CHINESE WOMEN:
First date: You get to buy her an expensive dinner but nothing happens.
Second date: You buy her an even more expensive dinner. Nothing happens
again.
Third date: You don’t even get to the third date and you’ve already realized
nothing is ever going to happen.

BLACK WOMEN:
First Date: You get to buy her a real expensive dinner.
Second Date: You get to buy her and her girlfriends a real expensive dinner.
Third Date: You get to pay her rent.
Tenth Date: She’s pregnant by someone other than you.

ARAB WOMEN:
First Date: Mother, Father, Brothers, Sisters, Cousins, Aunts, Uncles,
Friends and entire community finds out.
Second Date: You are shot dead.
No third date.

ITALIAN WOMEN:
First Date: You take her to a play and an expensive restaurant.
Second Date: You meet her parents and her Mom makes spaghetti & meatballs.
Third Date: You make love, she wants to marry you & insists on a 24-carat
ring.
5th Anniversary: You already have 5 kids together & hate the thought of
making love.
6th Anniversary: You find yourself a Mistress.

Nanhe was busy with some “stupid exams” in which he was screwed and this is the reason why this post is coming so late. This post might be weird for some and  fun for some. But let me tell you that Nanhe has been in all such situations but unfortunately is still not got over with ‘it’. Poor Nanhe says अपनी तो ऐसे नसीब नहीं….. Well if any girls are interested in Nanhe do let him know. Anyways enjoy reading this post……

For women, having sex for the first time creates a huge moral and emotional confusion, while for boys, the biggest problem seems to be finding someone to lose it with. Do men even care about who they lose their virginity to?

Is loss of virginity one of the most memorable experiences for a man?

Hemant Kapoor, 26 I grew up in a religious family and wanted to wait till I got married to do it the first time. Then I almost did ‘it’ with a girl I felt strongly connected to, at 17. But my values held me back.

By the time I reached my 20th birthday, the pressure of having to lose ‘it,’ made me decide this was the year to ‘do it’. I started dating online. Months passed till I met someone at a private party. I thought she would be good to get ‘it’ over with.

Much to my surprise, ‘it’ was great. I guess I was under the impression that sex would change everything about me, when really it was pure fun. When we finished, she asked me how many partners I’d had before her.

I was too embarrassed to tell her that she was my first. The day after the big event, my friends who had always made fun of me greeted me with a big cheer and round of applause.

Ralson Coelho, 29 I was around 17 when I lost ‘it’. She was much older than me. We were seeing each other for almost a month. One day, I dropped in at her place, when she was alone. We got intimate. One thing led to another and before we knew it, we were at it.. and I ended up losing my virginity.

It wasn’t planned. It was a terrible experience for me, in a way.

I didn’t know what to do or what to expect, because it was the first time for me. But I’m happy it happened with someone older.. it was fun because she was experienced. These things are better experienced with an older woman rather than with a fresher.. experience counts.

It was too early for me to get into a serious relationship with her. Maybe if I’d been older, I would have. I saw her for some time after that but nothing special developed between us, at least from my side. I don’t think virginity or anything to do with sex is sacred for guys.

Vinay Kapadia, 31 I’d always thought that I would lose my virginity to someone special.. and it happened that way. I was in the second year of college. She was in my class. We were good friends but I had a soft corner for her. I felt that she also thought of me in a special way.

Finally we found an opportunity to get close. It was an overnight college trip. It was a bit of an adventure, trying to escape unnoticed by our classmates and friends, to enjoy some intimate moments together. It was the first time for both of us.. it felt really beautiful.

We started seeing each other after that. We were in a strong relationship for five years. We broke up because of family pressure. Sunil Sharma, 23 I was 18. I was in std XII and went for group tuitions. I studied in a boy’s school, my only exposure to girls was in my tuition classes. She was beautiful, I was attracted to her. She had the reputation of being a ‘fast’ girl. That didn’t matter. We hit if off very well.

One day, the opportunity presented itself to us. Some of us had decided to hook up at her place for a maths practice session. We were four of us initially but two of them backed out. I couldn’t believe my luck.

Her house was huge. I cannot forget how I dashed off to the chemist for a pack of condoms. We were scared, initially. It was the first time for both of us. But ultimately we enjoyed it a lot. In a way, I was also relieved because it was something I’d wanted to be over and done with.
Almost all my friends had lost it, so there was tremendous pressure on me to lose my so-called ‘virginal’ status. She didn’t become my girlfriend after that but we did share some special moments later.

Source: HT Cafe