Category Archives: Fun

Humour at its best!

Lesson 1: Naked Wife

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next door neighbor. Before she says a word, Bob says, “I’ll give you $800 to drop that towel.” After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob.

After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 dollars and leaves. The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks,…

“Who was that?” “It was Bob the next door neighbor,” she replies. “Great!” the husband says, “Did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?”

Moral of the story:
If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.

Lesson 2

A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out. The Genie says, “I’ll give each of you just one wish” “Me first! Me first!” says the administration clerk. “I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.” Poof! She’s gone. “Me next! Me next!” says the sales rep. “I want to be in Hawaii,relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.” Poof! He’s gone. “OK, you’re up,” the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, “I want those two back in the office after lunch.”

Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.

Lesson 3

A priest offered a lift to a Nun. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. The nun said,”Father, remember Psalm 129?” The priest removed his hand. But,changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again said, “Father, remember Psalm 129?” The priest apologized “Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.” Arriving at the convent, the nun went on her way. On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, “Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.”

Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.

Lesson 4

A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A rabbit asked him,”Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?” The crow answered: “Sure, why not.” So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested.

A fox jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very high up.

Lesson 5: Power of Charisma

A turkey was chatting with a bull “I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree,” sighed the turkey, but I haven’t got the energy.” “Well, why don’t you nibble on my droppings?” replied the bull. “They’re packed with nutrients.” The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree. Soon he was spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.

Moral of the story: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it wont keep you there.

Lesson 6

A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field. While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.

Moral of the story:
1. Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy
2. Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend
3. And when you’re in deep shit, it’s best to keep your mouth shut!

Source

Interesting Trivia on ICC Cricket World Cup

Here is the compilation of few trivias collected from various sources and some from Nanhe’s own brains. Hope you will like them. These all trivias are before the starting of the current world cup!

  • The only time they have faced each other in a World Cup match, Bangladesh caused one of the biggest upsets in 2007 by defeating India and being instrumental in their early elimination.
  • Brett Lee has taken 22 wickets in 10 World Cup matches at an average of 17.91. He has claimed a wicket every 22.68 balls, or once every fourth over, a strike-rate unmatched by any bowler.
  • West Indies batting great Vivian Richards scored 1013 runs in 23 World Cup innings, at an average of 63.31, with a strike rate of 85. The 138 he scored against England in the 1979 World Cup is considered by Wisden as the best World Cup innings.
  • Herschelle Gibbs smeared the Dutch leg-spinner Dan van Bunge for six sixes in an over in the 2007 World Cup to become the first to achieve the feat in an ODI.
  • India last defeated Australia in a World Cup match 24 years ago on October 22, 1987. India trumped eventual champions Australia by 56 runs.
  • West Indies legend Vivian Richards is the only player who had played both FIFA World Cup and ICC World Cup. Richards represented Antigua in football and West Indies in cricket.
  • Indian opener Sunil Gavaskar batted through the full 60 overs in the opening match of 1975 World Cup against England at Lord’s to score just 36 runs.
  • One of the greatest knocks of World Cup history, Kapil Dev’s 175 against Zimbabwe during 1983 World Cup, was neither recorded nor broadcasted because the BBC cameramen were on strike at the time.
  • Kepler Wessels played for Australia in the 1983 World Cup before playing for South Africa in the 1992 World Cup.
  • India’s Madan Lal bowled the first ball of the World Cup history to England’s Denis Amiss at Lord’s on June 7, 1975.
  • Australia is the only team thus far in the history of World Cup to remain undefeated throughout the World Cup (in both 2003 and 2007 World Cups).
  • Australian seamer Glenn McGrath (71) is the highest wicket-taker in World Cups so far.
  • The 1992 World Cup co-hosted by Australia and New Zealand was the first World Cup where matches were played under lights.
  • The 1992 World Cup co-hosted by Australia and New Zealand was the first World Cup in which white cricket balls and coloured team uniforms were introduced.
  • Australia is the only country to win three consecutive World Cup titles. Aussies have won the tournament in 1999, 2003 and 2007.
  • All players had worn the traditional white uniform and red balls were used during the initial four editions of the cricket World Cup.
  • Mohammad Kaif has held most catches in a World Cup match. He took 4 catches against Sri Lanka at Johannesburg on March 10, 2003.
  • England have played the World Cup final three times – in 1979, 1987 and 1992 – but have never won it.
  • Wasim Akram completed his 500 ODI wickets during the 2003 World Cup.
  • Sunil Gavaskar’s only ODI century came off 85 balls and it came in the same match in which Chetan Sharma took the World Cup’s first hat-trick.
  • Chetan Sharma took the World Cup’s first hat-trick. He achieved the feat against New Zealand at Nagpur on October 31, 1987.
  • Since their 10-run loss to Pakistan on May 23, 1999, Australia have not lost even a single match at the World Cup.
  • Making his debut during the 1975 edition, Javed Miandad has played in most World Cups – six.
  • Ricky Ponting and Glenn McGrath have played 39 matches each in the World Cup, the most for players.
  • In the 2003 World Cup, Pakistan’s Shoaib Akhtar, bowled cricket’s first recorded 100 mph delivery. At the receiving end was England’s Nick Knight.
  • Sri Lanka became the first side batting second to win the World Cup when they beat Australia in the 1996 World Cup final.

Source: TimesofIndia

Why Bike is better than a Girlfriend?

Recently, a survey was conducted and Nanhe has exclusive reports of that. It says that whenever a guy breaks up with a girl, he tends to drive fast. There can be numerous reasons and Nanhe has found few too. It seems that bike has few advantages of the girls and the list mentioned below is not exhaustive. You can add your own comments if you have any reasons. Valentine’s day is coming and there will be few more “heartbreak kids” driving their bike and pouring love for the same. It’s really ironical that Valentine’s day witnesses lots of relationships going down the roads……

Reasons why bike is better than a girlfriend?

1. You can go out with your bike anytime.
2. You can get on top of it without thinking too much about the consequences.
3. You can have one bike for training, another one for racing, one more for just having fun  – and the best thing they won’t kill each other while shut in one garage togeher.
4. You have liberty to ride your friend’s most “dashing and superb” bike.
5. If your motorcycle weigh 450 pounds, your friends won’t laugh at you and call you looser.
6. Having a bike is comapratively much cheaper.
7. Bike never crib or complain.
8. Bikes go as per your wish.
9. They don’t need any explanation as why you went with “other one.”
10. No emosnal attyachar.
11. Whenever you are tired of using one type of bike, you can switch to another.
12. Bikes can be very supportive, they listen and agree to your solution of the problem without uttering a word.
13. Girls are hardly stoppaple when turned on. Bikes are much easier to stop.
14. When you go out for shopping with your bike, you can buy anything and everything for yourself.
15. You don’t have to remember the date of purchasefirst ridefirst won race and the other dates to do with your bike, and celebrate them.
16. Lastly, bikes don’t have parents and therefore you need not to worry about them.

T Shirt Slogans

These are the slogans which have been found many a times on T Shirts being worn by the girls. Nanahe has understood them.

Hope you all will understand it too and think over it.

t2These are just too good…. [:)]

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  1. Touch Here If U Dare
  2. Can Make Boneless Things Hard
  3. Weapons Of Mass Destruction
  4. Looking Free, But Touching Costs
  5. Only For Rent, Not For Sale
  6. Now More Tastier And Healthier
  7. Handle With Care
  8. Tested By Experts
  9. Hot To Handle
  10. No One Can Use Just Once

Ganeshotsav@Milo’s Place and Aksa Beach!!

Milo, a friend of Nanhe called him to visit Ganpati at his place last Sunday. Nanhe and his couple of colleagues decided that they will go to Milo’s place together in the evening. Nanhe and Maggi met at Dadar station. Nanhe didn’t have his lunch so they both enjoyed lunch together. In the mean time, Deshmukh Saaheb/Deshmukh joined them. They both then went to Malad by the local train. None of them knew the house of Milo but it is easy to find the way in today’s Hi Tech world. They reached Malad and called Milo to know where to proceed from the station. Milo said that his house was “stone throw away” distance from the station. Milo guided them “perfectly” and that “stone throw away” distance increased by few meters. Any how they reached Milo’s place.

Ganpati decoration was going on at Milo’s place. All 3 of them enjoyed the hospitality of Milo. Milo along with our very idiot Nanhe cracked some really big PJ’s. Deshmukh Saaheb as always was silent but observing the things very closely. Maggi was ebullient after drinking couple of glasses of Fanta. After spending some time, they had photo session with Ganpati Dev@Milo’s place. Then all 3 of them left and had corn/samosa near Milo’s building. It was from here that things started going as per “planned” and few really funny events unfolded. Deshmukh ordered for Butter Corn but that corn waala added butter for sake of it. Nanhe commented “Butter sirf sungha raha hai”. The corn seller got angry and said “poora daaloonga to paise jyaada lagenge.” Nanhe said “daal do. paise to Deshmukh ko dene hain.” :)

Since all 3 of them were at Malad, they decided to visit Aksa Beach. Milo again told them that Aksa Beach was very near from other side. They crossed the bridge and took auto. While walking, Nanhe held hand of Maggi whenever Deshmukh Saaheb was not watching. It was fun for both of them with Nanhe winking eyes many a time. After taking auto, they were ready to get down very soon since Milo said that it was “very near”. Deshmukh said “Jab tak meter minimum par hai tab tak koi tension nahi.” But as meter started reading 12-15-20-25-35; Deshmukh wondered if auto waala was taking them from longer route. Nanhe and Deshmukh started conversation among themself. They wondered if Milo has “guided” them perfectly again. 😉
Nanhe called up Milo and Milo said,” Abe tum log seriously Aksa Beach jaa rahe the kya? Maine to tumhe Marve Beach ke baare mein bataya tha. That is “stone throw away” distance. Yeh to lamba hai.” Nanhe said “Bahut Sahi.” Then the auto driver also got in conversation with Nanhe and Deshmukh and said that in this area, Rs 100/- is considered to be minimum and started laughing. We asked him how long is it more?

He replied,”Abhi to Malwani aayega–fir Aksa Gaon–fir Ashoka Resort–fir Aksa Chowpaty–fir aayega Aksa Beach.” We just looked into the meter and laughed on the circumstances. Just after getting auto Nanhe and Maggi were asking for party by Deshmukh Saaheb then Deshmukh very said that,” Main auto ka pay karoonga, dinner tum dono dekh lo.” That time he was thinking ki usne chauka maar diya but as meter reading was increasing, Desmukh soch raha tha kaun si ghadi mein maine aisa bol diya. Nanhe and Maggi were enjoying it. They reached the destination and paid Rs 55/- to the auto. At beach, all 3 of them enjoyed. Nanhe and Maggi told Deshmukh about their relationship and thus enjoyed freely on beach after a long time. Seeing at Nanahe and Maggi having gala time together, Deshmukh coltishly said that “Saala tere ko bhi ladki mil gayi aur main abhi tak akela hoon.” There was burst of laugh all around. It was great frolicsomeness. After 40-45 minutes, it was time to return to Malad station.

They took auto again and in less than 1/3rd distance, auto meter was reading more than Rs 30/-. They noticed that meter was running fast. In a mid of signal, they left the auto and caught the bus after running behind it for 2 minutes. In this was they saved atleast 50 bucks of Deshmukh. They returned to Malad and then went to Dadar. At Dadar, all 3 of them had dineer and chatted a lot. Then all of them left to their home.

Jaate Jaate, Deshmukh Saaheb commented: “Milo Ganeshotsav Mehenga Pada par yaadgaar raha.” :) :) :) :) 😉 😛

A Night during Ganesh Festival in Mumbai!

Ganpati Festival is going on in full swing in Mumbai. The decoration of various pandals throughout the city is delight to watch. The best time to go around and offer prayers to these pandals is during the night. The main reason being that there is fewer crowds and you can have a good “darshan” of deity.

Nanhe and his friend doctor (Dr) decided to visit few of the pandals on Saturday night. Nanhe finished his work and went to the hostel of Dr. There a plan was made to leave for Saaki’s house where an awesome biryani was waiting for them. Nanhe returned to hostel to accompany Dr aroung 1:30am. Nanhe was extremely tired and it was decided that they will leave after an hour. But when you are this tired, you cannot sleep for only an hour. So finally they left at 4am, Sunday morning. Dr had bike, as soon as they unlocked the bike, Dr observed that Rear View Mirror of bike is missing. He exclaimed, “Mumbai mein Bhaiye bahut ho gaye hain.” ( Nanhe and Dr are from UP too) :)

Later it was noticed that petrol has also been stolen from bike. Both thought that their plan is taayein taayein Fishhhh now. As Dr was busy abusing, a foe of doctor arrived with his bike. Casually, Dr told him the story. To their surprise he offered them his bike. Dr wondered and couldn’t believe that he is helping them. But they accepted the offer as both of them were excited to go on divine ride.

Out of the blues, doctor asked our bloody Nanhe to drive bike. Nanhe knew driving bike but this was the first time that he was driving bike on the roads of India’s financial capital. It was great fun for him moving from one pandal to other. Before reaching Ganesh Galli they have covered more than half a dozen pandals. Nanhe was driving like Shatabdi Express. Dr and Nanhe parked the vehicle near bus stop where more than 20 bikes were parked and joined queue for darshan. The Pandal was replica of Kedranath Temple and was really beautiful. Dr and Nanhe went in and then enjoyed a mini fare there. They played few games, tried their hands in shooting and got their name written on rice grain. In a shooting competition both Dr and Nanhe had an accuracy of 80%.
It was a moment when they felt they were in their childhood. It was really fun.

Then they were supposed to go to GSB Wadala. But when they reached the area where their bike was parked, they couldn’t locate it. A police man told them it has been lifted by traffic police and asked to go to Bhoiwada Police Station near Parel. There was no vehicle available as road was blocked and so they both went walking and reached the police station. Their policeman told that as their bike is at Byculla Police Station near Ranibagh. Nanhe and Dr realized that there was something “big” in store for them. They were enjoying this test and were laughing on their “Kismet” and Dr was comparing all the happenings with his infamous “SCRIPT THEORY”. Jo Likha hota hai Wahi hota hai!! Chalta Chalte band baj rahi thi…. :) :)

Well they caught a bus to Byculla but then that bus stopped at Lalbagh and they had to cover more than 2.5 km distance walking again. On reaching Ranibagh doctor realized that by getting down to different stop near Ranibagh they would have traversed the distance in less than 10 minutes. But it was too late…. They laughed again and got their bike released from the station by paying Rs 200/-. Nanhe drove the bike and soon the bike was talking to air. Their was sense of victory for no reason in Dr and Nanhe. :)

Then they went to GSB Wadala. There was no parking problem but with the previous “tragedy” they parked their vehicle on the parking area told by the traffic hawaldar. It took more than 15 minutes to park bike. Phew… :) 😉
After darshan they left for the hostel. It was memorable morning with every incident unfolding in the way with accordance with the Script Theory. But it couldn’t deter Dr and nanhe and they visited all the pandals they have planned before. Probably, this was karma for their deeds or test by Lord Ganesha. Whatever; the bottom-line was it was great morning!!!!

Nanhe’s First Night!

It has been almost an year since Nanhe is working in a Software Firm. Today is his debut. A debut of full night at office. The Board Members (PL/PM) have gone for picnic. Wow!! 😛 😛
So the team is playing without any officials. There are captains who are trying to motivate their respective teams. Nanhe is independent player though :)
He is neither developer nor tester. He is Configuration Manager.

So, Nanhe has decided to give you regular update on the same 😛
Hope Nanhe will have nice time @ office. He is alone with 16 GUYS. Oh My God, Nanhe loves the company of guys. :) 😉

9:30pm: All guys are charged up. Nanhe has dobne his work so he is free for some time. Rest are busy in closing and testing the defects. Oh what is this. A couple of guys are playing computer game. Well, it is a good stress buster.
ha ha The AC’s will not be working. So security has provided 4 table fans.
Nanhe is ready to have great party tonight. Company ke paise par aish. Pel ke chicken khaayega lagta hai aaj!!

9:50pm: Nanhe has just read the HR Policies regarding the reimbursement for working late. Total food reimbursement is Rs 150/- So, Nanhe will try his level best to eat worth this amount at least. Dinner is being planned. Lets’ see when will he go!

10:10pm: Leaving for Dinner. :)

11:50pm: Back from Dinner. Had awesome food and gossip.
Had Chicken Roast, Chicken Moghlai, Chicken Tikka and Chicken Biryani along with cold drinks and roti. Finally a full Meetha Paan. Yummie!! 😛
Everyone was surprised seeing our bloody idiot and slim Nanhe eating so much. Saale ne poora Paisa Vasoola!!!!!!
There were gossips:
1> Incentives mostly arriving with next month’s salary
2> There will be pay hike but only variable component. Thus there will be hardly any change in in-hand part.
3> College and Hostel Bhaks.
4> The role of PL/PM in project.
5> Nanhe’s entertainment

12:37am: Nanhe just called her sister in Hyderabad and wished her birthday. Did some timepass. The team is busy with onsite calls, defects and testing. Nanhe is having fun. His girlfriend promised to call in 5 minutes an hour ago. Nanhe is still searching for that watch which his gf is referring.
Arre yeh kya. Nanhe ke liye kaam aa gaya. Bahut Khoob.

1:20am: Nanhe finished with the job of branching. Now busy reading few articles on rediff. Few guys are yawning while few are trying their best to resolve the defects. Nanhe has entertained few of them with his pakau shayris.

2:15am: Time is passing by very fast. Nanhe is busy reading newspapers. There was a song session in last hour. Nanhe played songs like Kabza, Lakshya, few sad songs. There was entertainment from songs like Emotional Attyachar Gaali waala version, Sutta etc. All are enjoying and cracking jokes from time to time. Nanhe tried to sleep but woke up after 15 minutes.

3:30am: A latest dump was imported. Pointed a new application on that. Gave some Errors but now its hopefully resolved. Few guys have slept. This sleep is damn infectious. Nanhe is also feeling very sleepy. He must take a nap now. Now it is getting challenging for everyone to awake and complete work.

4:50am: Nanhe had awesome sleep for 70 minutes. Duw to some error, he was called as NSG for 26/11  by his project mates. The error was resolved in 10 minutes. Meanwhile, Kattu was dancing to reduce stress and others were laughing and enjoying. More than 5 people have gone to sleep.

5:50am: A hot tea was brought and Nanhe listened to few good songs on his cell. There is no work for him now except for support. :)

7am: It appears that all the work by developers is done. Some Testing is remaining only. Half of guys are already slept and will now take leave.

7:55am: Nanhe is finally leaving.

8:40am: Nanhe has reached home. Now lot of work to do. He has to meet Rao, Satan, finish with the court work, shopping, etc. Lets hope Nanhe is able to finish all his tasks today.

Have a great day ahead………….. :) :)

Rain, Romance and YAAAAAAAA!!

Last Saturday, Nanhe has planned to go on date after long time with his girl friend. But due to some official commitment that didn’t materialized. Nanhe left the office in even 5-30 pm and called his girl friend. After some discussion they decided to meet at NP. Nanhe called champ as well. He asked champ to be on time. For the past few meeting champ has always been coming late and that let Nanhe become furious on the bloody idiot, CHAMP.

That day champ reached the meeting point on time. Nanhe and his girl friend later reached together. Nanhe made champ wait for more than 30 minutes. That score was settled that day. Thereafter, champ, Nanhe and his girl friend did some time pass. Then all of sudden it started raining. It was very romantic weather with nice drizzle and violent sea. Hence Nanhe enjoyed with his girl friend full on.

Then after spending quality time, Nanhe and champ decided to leave. But Nanhe’s gf asked them to come to her place. Nanhe was initially reluctant but then champ agreed and Nanhe reached his “sasural”. Ha ha :)

Nanhe’s “sasural waala’s” are very friendly. Champ and Nanhe enjoyed their hospitality. Then there was carrom match being played with Nanhe/his girl on one side and Champ/Nanhe’s saali on the other. :)

What followed in carrom was unbelievable. Champ was playing like a true champ of carrom. Nanhe just couldn’t believe that. Moreover, champ in process to impress Nanhe’s saali was speaking English. Imagine, our villager champ speaking English. It was just a shock hearing an idiot speaking English. Nanhe lost all the matches. In 5 matches Nanhe could score only 4 coins. 😛 They lost badly but it was fun. That carrom allowed even more quality time for Nanhe with his girl and her family. It was fun. Then after 1.5 hours, Nanhe and champ left for dinner. While leaving, Nanhe’ saali just said that “Do Come Again.” Champ was at the door and he blushingly said, “YAAAAAAAAA”.

Nanhe ne fir champ ki bahut li. Saala Angrezi bol kar impress kar raha tha.:) 

Nanhe’s girl also accompanied him to the near Pav Bhaji shop. They waited for half an hour to get the seat. That allowed even more time together. They had their dinner. It started raining again. Nanhe dropped his girl to her home under single umbrella. It was such a great evening. The events that unfolded that day were too good. Firstly, their was no plan to meet. Then they met. Then they spend time at NP, then at his Sasural and then had dinner as well.

All in all, a perfect date with fun and masti. :) :)

Some Facts about Women!!

1. Women love to shop. It is the one area of the world where they feel like they’re actually in control.

2. Women especially love a bargain. The question of “need” is irrelevant, so don’t bother pointing it out. Anything on sale is fair game.

3. Women never have anything to wear. Don’t question the racks of clothes in the closet; you “just don’t understand”.

4. Women need to cry. And they won’t do it alone unless they know you can hear them.

5. Women will always ask questions that have no right answer, in an effort to trap you into feeling guilty.

6. Women love to talk. Silence intimidates them and they feel a need to fill it, even if they have nothing to say.

7. Women need to feel like there are people worse off than they are. That’s why soap operas and Oprah Winfrey-type shows are so successful.

8. Women don’t need sex as often as men do. This is because sex is more physical for men and more emotional for women. Just knowing that the man wants to have sex with them fulfills the emotional need.

9. Women hate bugs. Even the strong-willed ones need a man around when there’s a spider or a wasp involved.

10. Women can’t keep secrets. They eat away at them from the inside. And they don’t view it as being untrustworthy, providing they only tell two or three people.

11. Women always go to public restrooms in groups. It gives them a chance to gossip.

12. Women can’t refuse to answer a ringing phone, no matter what she’s doing. It might be the lottery calling.

13. Women never understand why men love toys. Men understand that they wouldn’t need toys if women had an “on/off” switch.

14. Women think all beer is the same.

15. Women keep three different shampoos and two different conditioners in the shower. After a woman showers, the bathroom will smell like a tropical rain forest.

16. Women don’t understand the appeal of sports. Men seek entertainment that allows them to escape reality. Women seek entertainment that reminds them of how horrible things could be.

17. If a man goes on a seven-day trip, he’ll pack five days worth of clothes and will wear some things twice; if a woman goes on a seven-day trip she’ll pack 21 outfits because she doesn’t know what she’ll feel like wearing each day.

18. Women brush their hair before bed.

19. Watch a woman eat an ice cream cone and you’ll have a pretty good idea about how she’ll be in bed.

20. Women are paid less than men, except for one field: Modeling.

21. Women are never wrong. Apologizing is the man’s responsibility, “It’s there in the Bible”. Hmmm, who was it that gave Adam the apple?

22. Women do not know anything about cars. “Oil- stick, oil doesn’t stick?”

23. Women have better restrooms. They get the nice chairs and red carpet. Men just get a large bowl to share.

24. The average number of items in a typical woman’s bathroom is 437. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.

25. Women love cats. Men say they love cats, but when women aren’t looking, men kick cats.

26. Women love to talk on the phone. A woman can visit her girlfriend for two weeks, and upon returning home, she will call the same friend and they will talk for three hours.

27. A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, or get the mail.

28. Women will drive miles out of their way to avoid the possibility of getting lost using a shortcut.

29. Women don’t try as hard as men during sex; after all, they don’t fall asleep afterwards.

30. Women do NOT want an honest answer to the question, ‘How do I look?’

31. PMS stands for: Permissible Man-Slaughter. (Or at least men think it means that. PMS also stands for Preposterous Mood Swings and Punish My Spouse.

32. The first naked man a women see is “Ken”.

33. Women are insecure about their weight, butt, and breast sizes.

34. Women will make three right-hand turns to avoid making one left-hand turn.

35. “Oh, nothing,” has an entirely different meaning in woman-language than it does in man-language.

36. Lewis Carroll’s Caterpillar had nothing on women.

37. Women cannot use a map without turning the map to correspond to the direction that they are heading.

38. All women are overweight by definition; don’t agree with them about it. Women always have 5 pounds to lose, but don’t bring this up unless they really have 5 pounds to gain.

39. If it is not Valentines day and you see a man in a flower shop, you can probably start up a conversation by asking, “What did you do?”

40. Only women understand the reason for “guest towels” and the “good china”.

41. Women want equal rights, but you rarely hear them clamoring to be let into the draft to cover the responsibilities that go with those rights. All women seek equality with men until it comes to sharing the closet, taking out the trash, and picking up the check.

42. Origin of the word “woman” is: woo-man.

43. If a man ticks off a woman she will often respond by getting a fuzzy toilet cover which warms their rear, but makes it impossible for the lid to stay up thus it constantly gets peed on by the guys. (which gets them in more trouble)

44. Women never check to see if the lid is up. They seem to prefer taking a flying butt leap towards the bowl and then chewing men out because they “left the seat up” instead of taking two seconds and lowering it themselves.

45. Women can get out of speeding tickets by pouting. This will get men arrested.

46. Women don’t really care about a sense of humor in a guy despite claims to the contrary. You don’t see women trampling over Tom Cruise to get to Gilbert Gottfried, do you?

47. Women fake orgasm because men fake foreplay.

48. It’s okay for women to dance with each other and not be gay. You don’t see straight men dancing together.

49. Women will spend hours dressing up to go out, and then they’ll go out and spend more time checking out other women. Men can never catch women checking out other men; women will always catch men checking out other women.

50. The most embarrassing thing for women is to find another woman wearing the same dress at a formal party. You don’t hear men say, “Oh-my-GOD, there’s another man wearing a black tux, get me outta here!

Source: Itscupid

Respectfully Cheating!!

Jack and Betty are celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary.

“Betty, I was wondering — have you ever cheated on me?”

“Oh Jack, why would you ask such a question now? You don’t want to ask that question…”

“Yes, Betty, I really want to know. Please.”

“Well, all right. Yes, 3 times.”

“Three? When were they?”

“Well, Jack, remember when you were 35 years old and you really wanted to start the business on your own and no bank would give you a loan? Remember how one day the bank president himself came over to the house and signed the loan papers, no questions asked?”

“Oh, Betty, you did that for me! I respect you even more than ever, that you would do such a thing for me! So, when was number 2?”

“Well, Jack, remember when you had that last heart attack and you were needing that very tricky operation, and no surgeon would touch you? Remember how Dr. DeBakey came all the way up here, to do the surgery himself, and then you were in good shape again?”

“I can’t believe it! Betty, I love that you should do such a thing for me, to save my life! I couldn’t have a more wonderful wife. To do such a thing, you must really love me darling. I couldn’t be more moved. When was number 3?”

“Well, Jack, remember a few years ago, when you really wanted to be president of the golf club and you were 17 votes short?”