Category Archives: weird

Humour at its best!

Lesson 1: Naked Wife

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next door neighbor. Before she says a word, Bob says, “I’ll give you $800 to drop that towel.” After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob.

After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 dollars and leaves. The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks,…

“Who was that?” “It was Bob the next door neighbor,” she replies. “Great!” the husband says, “Did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?”

Moral of the story:
If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.

Lesson 2

A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out. The Genie says, “I’ll give each of you just one wish” “Me first! Me first!” says the administration clerk. “I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.” Poof! She’s gone. “Me next! Me next!” says the sales rep. “I want to be in Hawaii,relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.” Poof! He’s gone. “OK, you’re up,” the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, “I want those two back in the office after lunch.”

Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.

Lesson 3

A priest offered a lift to a Nun. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. The nun said,”Father, remember Psalm 129?” The priest removed his hand. But,changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again said, “Father, remember Psalm 129?” The priest apologized “Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.” Arriving at the convent, the nun went on her way. On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, “Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.”

Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.

Lesson 4

A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A rabbit asked him,”Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?” The crow answered: “Sure, why not.” So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested.

A fox jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very high up.

Lesson 5: Power of Charisma

A turkey was chatting with a bull “I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree,” sighed the turkey, but I haven’t got the energy.” “Well, why don’t you nibble on my droppings?” replied the bull. “They’re packed with nutrients.” The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree. Soon he was spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.

Moral of the story: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it wont keep you there.

Lesson 6

A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field. While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.

Moral of the story:
1. Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy
2. Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend
3. And when you’re in deep shit, it’s best to keep your mouth shut!

Source

Why Bike is better than a Girlfriend?

Recently, a survey was conducted and Nanhe has exclusive reports of that. It says that whenever a guy breaks up with a girl, he tends to drive fast. There can be numerous reasons and Nanhe has found few too. It seems that bike has few advantages of the girls and the list mentioned below is not exhaustive. You can add your own comments if you have any reasons. Valentine’s day is coming and there will be few more “heartbreak kids” driving their bike and pouring love for the same. It’s really ironical that Valentine’s day witnesses lots of relationships going down the roads……

Reasons why bike is better than a girlfriend?

1. You can go out with your bike anytime.
2. You can get on top of it without thinking too much about the consequences.
3. You can have one bike for training, another one for racing, one more for just having fun  – and the best thing they won’t kill each other while shut in one garage togeher.
4. You have liberty to ride your friend’s most “dashing and superb” bike.
5. If your motorcycle weigh 450 pounds, your friends won’t laugh at you and call you looser.
6. Having a bike is comapratively much cheaper.
7. Bike never crib or complain.
8. Bikes go as per your wish.
9. They don’t need any explanation as why you went with “other one.”
10. No emosnal attyachar.
11. Whenever you are tired of using one type of bike, you can switch to another.
12. Bikes can be very supportive, they listen and agree to your solution of the problem without uttering a word.
13. Girls are hardly stoppaple when turned on. Bikes are much easier to stop.
14. When you go out for shopping with your bike, you can buy anything and everything for yourself.
15. You don’t have to remember the date of purchasefirst ridefirst won race and the other dates to do with your bike, and celebrate them.
16. Lastly, bikes don’t have parents and therefore you need not to worry about them.

It’s official: Women use their gender like a weapon!

 “Because I’m a woman.” That’s the standard refrain when women want to avoid doing something they don’t like!

Scientists have proven that women frequently use their sex as a get-out clause for everything from crying to their failure to take the bins out.

A survey found that 88 per cent of respondents had used their sex as an excuse at some point, while more than half admitted they did so regularly.

Driving was the most common scenario, with 67 per cent blaming their poor parking on being a woman, reports the Daily Mail. More than half of women blamed their gender on their inability to catch spiders in the bath — while slightly fewer than half used it to avoid carrying heavy items.

The news follows Katie Price’s [ Images ] admission in court last week that she had swerved while driving her pink horsebox because she was a ‘typical woman driver’.

The top ten situations in which women are likely to use their gender as an excuse:

Parking the car (67 per cent of women polled)
Catching insects (56 per cent)
Carrying heavy items (48 per cent)
Opening Jars (40 per cent)
Avoiding confrontation (35 per cent)
DIY (28 per cent)
Taking the rubbish out (19 per cent)
Sporting performance (15 per cent)
Navigation (11 per cent)
Crying (6 per cent)

Sarah Heath, of MyCelebrityFashion.co.uk, said, “Whilst it was surprising to find just how many women do use the excuse, it’s important to bear in mind that the majority admitted to doing so in a ‘jokey’ manner.”

Source: REDIFF

T Shirt Slogans

These are the slogans which have been found many a times on T Shirts being worn by the girls. Nanahe has understood them.

Hope you all will understand it too and think over it.

t2These are just too good…. [:)]

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  1. Touch Here If U Dare
  2. Can Make Boneless Things Hard
  3. Weapons Of Mass Destruction
  4. Looking Free, But Touching Costs
  5. Only For Rent, Not For Sale
  6. Now More Tastier And Healthier
  7. Handle With Care
  8. Tested By Experts
  9. Hot To Handle
  10. No One Can Use Just Once

Some Facts about Women!!

1. Women love to shop. It is the one area of the world where they feel like they’re actually in control.

2. Women especially love a bargain. The question of “need” is irrelevant, so don’t bother pointing it out. Anything on sale is fair game.

3. Women never have anything to wear. Don’t question the racks of clothes in the closet; you “just don’t understand”.

4. Women need to cry. And they won’t do it alone unless they know you can hear them.

5. Women will always ask questions that have no right answer, in an effort to trap you into feeling guilty.

6. Women love to talk. Silence intimidates them and they feel a need to fill it, even if they have nothing to say.

7. Women need to feel like there are people worse off than they are. That’s why soap operas and Oprah Winfrey-type shows are so successful.

8. Women don’t need sex as often as men do. This is because sex is more physical for men and more emotional for women. Just knowing that the man wants to have sex with them fulfills the emotional need.

9. Women hate bugs. Even the strong-willed ones need a man around when there’s a spider or a wasp involved.

10. Women can’t keep secrets. They eat away at them from the inside. And they don’t view it as being untrustworthy, providing they only tell two or three people.

11. Women always go to public restrooms in groups. It gives them a chance to gossip.

12. Women can’t refuse to answer a ringing phone, no matter what she’s doing. It might be the lottery calling.

13. Women never understand why men love toys. Men understand that they wouldn’t need toys if women had an “on/off” switch.

14. Women think all beer is the same.

15. Women keep three different shampoos and two different conditioners in the shower. After a woman showers, the bathroom will smell like a tropical rain forest.

16. Women don’t understand the appeal of sports. Men seek entertainment that allows them to escape reality. Women seek entertainment that reminds them of how horrible things could be.

17. If a man goes on a seven-day trip, he’ll pack five days worth of clothes and will wear some things twice; if a woman goes on a seven-day trip she’ll pack 21 outfits because she doesn’t know what she’ll feel like wearing each day.

18. Women brush their hair before bed.

19. Watch a woman eat an ice cream cone and you’ll have a pretty good idea about how she’ll be in bed.

20. Women are paid less than men, except for one field: Modeling.

21. Women are never wrong. Apologizing is the man’s responsibility, “It’s there in the Bible”. Hmmm, who was it that gave Adam the apple?

22. Women do not know anything about cars. “Oil- stick, oil doesn’t stick?”

23. Women have better restrooms. They get the nice chairs and red carpet. Men just get a large bowl to share.

24. The average number of items in a typical woman’s bathroom is 437. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.

25. Women love cats. Men say they love cats, but when women aren’t looking, men kick cats.

26. Women love to talk on the phone. A woman can visit her girlfriend for two weeks, and upon returning home, she will call the same friend and they will talk for three hours.

27. A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, or get the mail.

28. Women will drive miles out of their way to avoid the possibility of getting lost using a shortcut.

29. Women don’t try as hard as men during sex; after all, they don’t fall asleep afterwards.

30. Women do NOT want an honest answer to the question, ‘How do I look?’

31. PMS stands for: Permissible Man-Slaughter. (Or at least men think it means that. PMS also stands for Preposterous Mood Swings and Punish My Spouse.

32. The first naked man a women see is “Ken”.

33. Women are insecure about their weight, butt, and breast sizes.

34. Women will make three right-hand turns to avoid making one left-hand turn.

35. “Oh, nothing,” has an entirely different meaning in woman-language than it does in man-language.

36. Lewis Carroll’s Caterpillar had nothing on women.

37. Women cannot use a map without turning the map to correspond to the direction that they are heading.

38. All women are overweight by definition; don’t agree with them about it. Women always have 5 pounds to lose, but don’t bring this up unless they really have 5 pounds to gain.

39. If it is not Valentines day and you see a man in a flower shop, you can probably start up a conversation by asking, “What did you do?”

40. Only women understand the reason for “guest towels” and the “good china”.

41. Women want equal rights, but you rarely hear them clamoring to be let into the draft to cover the responsibilities that go with those rights. All women seek equality with men until it comes to sharing the closet, taking out the trash, and picking up the check.

42. Origin of the word “woman” is: woo-man.

43. If a man ticks off a woman she will often respond by getting a fuzzy toilet cover which warms their rear, but makes it impossible for the lid to stay up thus it constantly gets peed on by the guys. (which gets them in more trouble)

44. Women never check to see if the lid is up. They seem to prefer taking a flying butt leap towards the bowl and then chewing men out because they “left the seat up” instead of taking two seconds and lowering it themselves.

45. Women can get out of speeding tickets by pouting. This will get men arrested.

46. Women don’t really care about a sense of humor in a guy despite claims to the contrary. You don’t see women trampling over Tom Cruise to get to Gilbert Gottfried, do you?

47. Women fake orgasm because men fake foreplay.

48. It’s okay for women to dance with each other and not be gay. You don’t see straight men dancing together.

49. Women will spend hours dressing up to go out, and then they’ll go out and spend more time checking out other women. Men can never catch women checking out other men; women will always catch men checking out other women.

50. The most embarrassing thing for women is to find another woman wearing the same dress at a formal party. You don’t hear men say, “Oh-my-GOD, there’s another man wearing a black tux, get me outta here!

Source: Itscupid

FAITH can help you in clearing the exams!!!

There is a common saying that “Faith is believing in things when common sense tells you not to.”

During an exam time, you can see so many examples of faith. Nanhe and few of his friends went for a great dinner yesterday night and were just discussing this topic of faith. Though their discussion was all crap but still… actually they never talk anything except crap…

1> Once upon a time during exams Nanhe was so upset and was unable to study for an exam. Three days prior to exam, he lost all hopes to clear all the exams. सारे रास्ते बंद होने के पश्चात् अपने नन्हे मियां भगवान् भरोसे हो लिए…
Then for the next 3 days he went to temple without slipper in his feet very early in the morning. God answered all his prayers and he passed in the exam with the flying colours. Imagine he scored more than what the other guys scored though they studied for full 4 days.

2> Then this bloody dog.. our champ… Once during an examination period, he was “trying” to study. In the morning hours before the exam…. a guy from his batch asked if he has studied XYZ topic.. he told champ that this is very important.. this and that… Our champ was unfazed by all this because he hasn’t studied that… He just said… यह … यह तो नहीं आ रहा है आज…. the other guy laughed but after exam… he came again to champ’s room and said, … यार next exam..में क्या नहीं आएगा वो बोल दे….. कृपा होगी तेरी….

3> In every exam there is one paper which is considered to be the most tough…. when the day of this exam arrives…. the small temple in room/hostel sees rush of “studious” students…. भगवान् यह पेपर निकलवा दीजिये… अगली बार मैं पक्का पढूंगा…please please….

4> The world has changed a lot and now people dont have trust on anyone… not even on God you see…. whenever we will pray to GOd we will always say…. “God if you will help me in clearing today’s exam, i will donate 101/- rupees.” No one will ever promise to donate before… ha ha…. And then if wish is fulfilled we will donate 51/- rupees sayng that God as everything and i need to manage my expense…..

5> Few poeple are so confident during exam that they won’t study even…. they will say…i know i cannot clear… so why to study…. these idiots will study at the last moment and succeed in exam with 40 marks….and when u wil ask them.. they will say…. मैंने परीक्षा पूर्व अपने माता पिता से बात की थी… उन्होंने ने आशीर्वाद दिया था..इसीलिए निकल गया….everytime i pass the exam because of their blessings….

A person who just not believe in faith, he must come and give few exams and he will have full faith in faith…. Comeon friends.. u all must have done the same thing…. and now when u remember u will laugh…. but u wont be able to say whether it is faith or luck….

Virginity-auctioning Brit student says she’s not looking for highest bidder

London, Jan 15 (ANI): Despite there being a storm of lucrative offers, the Brit student auctioning her virginity to pay for a master’s degree claims that the man she will choose eventually may not be the highest bidder.

Natalie Dylan, who has a degree in Women’s Studies, wants to pursue a master’s degree in Family and Marriage therapy.

And the student, from San Diego, California, USA, has revealed that one bid for her virginity came from a zookeeper who offered her a live tiger in exchange for her virginity.

She did not elaborate on where the zookeeper worked or how the man might fulfil his promise.

The 22-year-old girl has claimed that her offer of a one-night stand has attracted almost 10,000 men to bid up to 2.5million pounds to have sex with her.

Dylan insisted that she was not demeaning herself by doing that.

She revealed that she got the idea to offer herself to the highest bidder after her sister Avia, 23, successfully raised money for her own degree after working as a prostitute for three weeks.

Talking to The New York Post, Dylan said that the highest cash bid in the auction was with a condition that the act should be recorded on video.

“I’m still getting offers, but I’m not necessarily taking the highest bidder,” The Telegraph quoted Dylan as saying.

She added that a wide range of men were showering attention on her, and some of them are “weirdos”, “those who get really graphically sexual about what they want to do to me” and “lots of polite requests from rich businessmen.”

The auction, arranged with the help of a legal brothel in Carson City, Nevada called Moonlite Bunny Ranch, does not have a closing date. (ANI)

Source: Yahoo

How About having a “SEX POLITICAL PARTY” in our country

One day Nanhe was surfing the internet when he came across a very weird news that very soon there is going to be a political party for people who are “serious” about sex. The party name is ‘The Australian Sex Party.’ Well, you might think that this is the first such party but in reality we had similar parties in Canada and Columbia in the year 2005. The parties fought the elections as well and got less than 1% of the total votes. The main agenda of this political party includes promoting for, ‘a national sex education curriculum, reducing censorship, abolishing the government’s proposed internet filter and supporting gay marriage’.
Well this political party is unique in a sense because the issues which it plans to address our real sensitive issues. Nanhe just told me that, if the similar party get into Indian Politics, it can do wonders. Our politicians are so power hungry and vote inclined that they will not miss the opportunity to try their luck on the ticket of such party. Well there is no price of guessing that the number of sex workers, transgenders, homosexual, etc is huge. Till date we have not included them in our scheme of things. Mumbai is Asia’s biggest sex industry and this chunk of the population will form the vote bank of such a political party in the country. Homosexuals and transgenders are now raising their voices for equal rights. Then there is a group of people like you who illegally download porn films from the internet and watch them. Imagine, once you are watching a porn film and at the time of your climax, someone knocks at the door. You open the door and found that police has raided and you are arrested!! Kya ho raha tha aur kya ho gaya. So don’t you want that porn should be legalized. The number of such people also runs in millions. Combining all the group, you can sense that this political party will have large vote bank.
If any of you reading this post is interested to climb the ladder of success in the politics, you must give the serious thought to this proposal of Nanhe. But you must be prepared for some serious opposition from the conservative group which can turn violent and you might pay with your life. Though this conservative group never raises its voice when their is rape or they will never lend a helping hand in rehabilitating the victim.
As a country we need to focus some of the serious problems that trend to threaten our society such as AIDS, sexualisation of children, children being exposed to material, injustice to transgenders etc and if a political party can help them, then it is worth taking a risk.

Nanhe’s Conclusion:
Sex is as important as food but yet we consider it a taboo. It is time we recognise that sex should not be taboo; and that it does mix with politics. Though we should not promote the public display of affection and stop any such move which degrades the morals in the society but at the same time, a broad based sex party that promotes sex positive attitudes, sexual health and the rights of sex workers and sexual minorities is urgently needed in an environment where religious groups and conservatives think they have the right to regulate or morally prescribe the boundaries and privacy of individuals’ sex lives.

Birthday? What is that??

Nanhe once asked me—–

Why do we celebrate birthdays? What is it that we are toasting? Is it the fact that we have survived another year against many odds? Are we marking the progress we have made, our cumulative achievements and possessions? Is a birthday the expression of hope sprung eternal to live another year? I’ve been told that I am oddity when it comes to birthdays.  I hate celebrating my birthday.  I always have.  I don’t mind celebrating someone else’s birthday, just mine. This is what Nanhe said.

Actually I also echo the views of Nanhe because, I never find anything very especial to celebrate the Birthdays. There are no specific reasons but still…..I feel there is nothing great to celebrate the Birthdays. So i don’t celebrate but would like to thank all my well wishers and enemies (if any). Because being with them, i have learnt some invaluable lessons.

I’ll wake up tomorrow and embrace another year. Another year with more laughter than tears, more success than failure, more hope than despair, and more love than I deserve. Bring it on!

Oh, and dear Lord, thank you for the gift of this last year, with all its hard-learned lessons, and bringing me through safe and healthy, with my family intact. With your blessings I’ll make it through another.
Thank you all for your wishes.

Sex in Morning

A STEAMY sex session in the morning can keep you in good health, say researchers.

According to a research from Queen’s University in Belfast, a good morning session at least three times a week decreases the risk of heart attack or stroke by half and a regular session improves circulation, thereby reducing blood pressure.

According to a study in New Scientist, a steamy session twice a week enhances IgA, an antibody that provides protection against microbes that multiply in body secretions, reports The Sun.

Morning sex also helps in alleviating arthritis and migraine. It burns around 300 calories an hour that simultaneously diminishes the risk of developing diabetes.

Moreover, an American study involving 300 sexually active women whose partners did not use condoms revealed that they were less prone to de pression.